I’m sorry to hear about your mum @charlotte97. It’s understandable to hear that as Christmas comes closer, it’s all feeling harder. Christmas can be a really tough time of year, you’re not alone and we’re all going to be here to support you through this.
I just wanted to say that your feelings around wanting to honour your Mum’s wishes are completely valid. I can really hear how much you care about her and want her to be part of Christmas this year. I’m really glad to hear the tree was the perfect size in the end. It’s really nice that you’re going to light your tea light on the day to remember her, it sounds like a great way for her to be involved and remembered throughout the day.
You mentioned that the articles you’ve found around how to cope with the first Christmas after losing somebody are quite repetitive. I was wondering if you had a chance to read our article that was written by some of the Sue Ryder counsellors. You can find that here - https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/coping-with-grief-bereavement/christmas
There’s also lots of threads from people who are going through their first Christmas’s without their loved one too. You may find this thread helpful to read through - First Christmas
I hope this has helped a little, keep reaching out to us and look after yourself this Christmas 