It is two months today since the light went out in my life💔. I have my first counselling session this morning, am not sure how I feel about it now the day has arrived. I hope you all have the best day you can.
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Good luck for today I hope it really helps you.
Love Ron
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Will report back.
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Hi
So all the 1st’s have done it’s now 1 year 1 month & 2 weeks.
Yesterday I finally started counselling well the introduction session. Thank goodness it’s over the phone, nice chap, talked about my wonderful family then lastly I had to answer questions to find what box I fit into. At the end the councillor was silent, very silent. My head racing trying to think had I offended him. No apparently I scored 30! I can’t remember exactly what that meant except it was unusually high.
He pushed his point with saying that he hadn’t actually dealt with anyone that high for many years. Why? I questioned his reply ‘you haven’t even allowed yourself to accept my husband has gone, let alone started grieving’. I’m crushed as I thought I was managing. I’m raising a granddaughter who is almost 11 so I have no me time & im glad of that. Strangely one of the questions now haunts me, do you think you will ever stop grieving the loss of your partner?
Of course I won’t my husband was the only man I ever truly loved, my side kick, a real gentleman.
The quietness to my loudness, the children say he was the ‘nice’ parent to me the strict one.
Anyway, I’m now embarking on 6, 50 min sessions every Tuesday to talk things through.
I’ve no idea what more I can talk about or how this form of counselling is going to get me over the fact my husband is no longer here.
I’m still very angry at cancer, the hospital’s neglect and the injustice that a wonderful man no longer walks on this earth.
Am I alone in thinking I will always feel grief for the rest of my life?
Sorry this was much longer than I intended.
Wishing you all a peaceful day. Xx
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Hi @LadyJ0
I do hope your sessions help - I’m seeing a counsellor as well and I’m not sure if it’s helping or not.
She reflected back to me that I talk a lot about my kids grief and how they are coping, and very little about my grief.
They are my absolute priority as they are all struggling with the loss of their dad and I really want to be there for them at any time, as my family are really not able to support me in my grief.
But I do recognise that I just keep pushing down all my grief as they have all been mostly at home over the last 6 months. Two have now returned to uni so it’s just me and my youngest at home and I am trying to now face up to the being alone, and let my grief come, but I think I’m just avoiding by looking for things to distract me and I’m not sure that I’m able to get it out any more.
Perhaps open up to the thought that you may need to deal with the grief. Even though you think and probably are coping well, especially if you are looking after your granddaughter.
I get angry too and I have little tolerance for others who have no idea. So I know I’m not myself - it may take forever to feel at peace but I hope someday I will feel more able to live my life, leather than just be a passenger which is how I am at the moment.
It sounds like you know you are not yourself too - counselling may help or may not, but it may just open a little space in your head to try and work through what bothers you.
Take good care xx
Hi Roni
Your so right the children are the priority. My ‘children’ are adults, 32/30/26x2, it has hit them terribly hard especially my twins, Daddy’s dream team! I noticed initially we were all beginning to lean on my eldest son, he has very broad shoulders lol, luckily due to his own health issues his medical team go him into therapy quickly. So I guess naturally I slipped into my roll as head of the family. I get through expecting my Vince to walk through the door after work.
My heart breaks for your young children & I feel your pain for them. Uni will be great for them being amongst their peer groups should help. They are so brave to continue study at this time I found it tough enough without adding all this.
This must be like a second loss for your youngest & you! I’m lucky that I’m rarely alone, lil lady keeps me busy as does her sister who is with me lots.
Also after losing Vin, my youngest daughter & her hubby moved in to ‘help’ me. She is twin 1 to her younger by 2 min brother, & is a nurse so she put it on herself to spend all 47 days with him making sure he was ok. Sadly she found him on the day he died, in hospital neglected full death rattle etc. this has caused ptsd & she totally broke. She was very close to her Daddy, after 2 months she had to go bk to work. I watch her struggle every day bless her but she soldiers on. On the weekends my husband traded his classroom to work the doors as a security guard at a local holiday camp, our son was his boss!! So they had a very close relationship too, Dad & work mate. My son is also quiet like his Dad and has just admitted he is struggling.
So what time as the surviving parent/ grandparent do we have to fall apart.
Xxx
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Hi Ron my appt went well, the lady I saw was lovely and she has been through the loss of her husband. She let me talk and cry and said to let it all out because if you don’t it will come back and bite you. I am seeing her again next week, they believe that counselling is needed early on not a year down the line. I only contacted them on Friday and got seen this morning. Hope your day is going as well as it can x
Hugs Jane
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Well done you,I am so pleased it’s working for you,hopefully you will make great progress and find your way through,keep us updated.
Love Ron
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Sadly No time to fall apart @LadyJ0
It is hard when they go away and it hurts each and every time they come home and leave again.
In 2 years my youngest will leave to go to uni and I am dreading that.
From a really busy house of 6 and a dog it will then be just me - I’ve never lived on my own so hope I will be a bit stronger to cope with it by then.
Hope your kids are able to work through their grief - it so hard isn’t it when you can’t make it better for them.
Just a day at a time for now xx
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Good luck. I really hope it helps. I spoke to my doctor about counseling and she said around the 2-3 month mark as nothing is going to take the immediate pain away 
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It is 2 months since I lost my husband to Bile Duct Cancer and I felt the time was right for me.
I’ve had to wait over a year for a councillor to become available , Initially it was supposed to be face to face then I had an email saying the list was growing longer. Then in frustration I emailed them and was offered over the phone. It suits me as I wasn’t looking forward to going back to the hospice which had cared for my husband. It suits me & the councillor seems like a nice chap, at least he won’t have to look at me snivelling. X