I had my first Counselling session yesterday and I have to say I really couldn’t see the point. In truth I can’t really see the point in anything right now, apart from my children. All she did was repeat back to me what I had just said to her, and then there was silence which I find uncomfortable. I actually talk to my husband literally all day long as though he is sitting right in front of me, I mean I never stop talking out loud to him some days I wonder if maybe I am going a bit mad but we were together for forty years, most of my adult life. I’m not sure I’m going to go back for more counselling I think this site is more of a support in lots of ways. What has other people’s experience of counselling been?
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If youve not had counselling before, it can be a bit unnerving - i would encourage you to go to a few sessions first before reaching a decision. As you say, you dont see the point in anything right now, so thats a reflection of your overall mood, not just a response to the counselling. And the counselling might help to change that mood. 
I had counselling previously over 20 years ago and i just started my first session yesterday to help support me with grieving for my mum. And yes, i spoke for 90% of it - at the start the counsellor needs to get to know you and understand where they can support you - and they do that by listening. Its lovely that you talk to your husband - i talk to my mum all the time. But for me, i feel the need to tell someone external about mine and mums story, and the pain im feeling inside. I dont feel friends and family really hear me." A counsellor will listen, plus you can sometimes be more honest without fear of showing weakness or upsetting anyone. They might pose questions to help you see a different perspective,
they can provide techniques and tools to help with anxiety, and they can help reassure you that youre not alone in how youre feeling. It does depend on the quality of the counsellor, but you wont be able to tell if they’re right fit for you until youve had a few sessions. Did the counsellor ask you what you are hoping to get out of the sessions? Its worth having that discussion so that youre both on the same page.
Counselling isnt right for everyone, and you need to find the right one, but my advice would be dont give up just yet 
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Ps dont worry about the silence - this isnt like a regular conversation with a friend who jumps in to tell you her news - the counsellor is giving space for you to speak more. Sometimes our thoughts can be whirring round and it takes time for them to come out. Often after a period of silence is when we say what we’re truly thinking! As you build up a rapport with them, you should feel less uncomfortable.
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I agree with Ally, give it a few more sessions. Counselling can be helpful, but it depends both on the counsellor, if you feel comfortable with them and on the approach they use. Some who are grieving just need to vent to someone who listens without judging, but that isn’t the answer for everyone. So it would be good to have a discussion with the counsellor the next time, and tell her you’re uncomfortable with silence, so she might adjust her approach and you’re both on the same page regarding the goal of the sessions.
I’m in the same place right now of not seeing the point of anything. It’s truly awful. Take care.
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@Ally6 & @Ulma your replies are great.
It’s made me think: what do I want out of my sessions, when they hopefully start in May? Well, I’m not sure that I have expectations. I just see it as being part of the treatment, alongside this forum, talking to my best friend, and doing self care (eating well, sleeping well, exercise).
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Hi @Juniper19, Give it a chance.
I did counselling with Cruse for 6 weeks over the phone and NHS talking therapies via their on line app, you go at your own pace.
I didn’t enjoy the Cruse experience, she was a lovely lady. But I hated the silences and I am not very good at telling people exactly how I am really feeling. Each time we spoke I couldn’t wait for the allotted time to finish.
Perhaps face to face would have been better, but that didn’t happen because of covid.
Talking Therapies suited me better, and what I found really helped was a book on Grief and cognitive therapies, which started me off keeping a journal, which I still do 3 years later.
And you are right being on the Sue Ryder forum has helped alot. I made some good friends on here.
Hope you find the right thing for you.
Debbie xx
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Try a few more sessions before you give up…
I find the lead up to the session difficult and I’m exhausted afterwards but i take what’s bothering me and give it to my counsellor… almost a case of a problem shared is a problem halved.
Repeating back what you’ve said validates your thoughts and feelings gives you a space to think about things and maybe work towards your own answer.
For me, it also feels like the only space where I can talk about my partner openly, without anyone feeling uncomfortable. No one talks about him anymore…
It’s meant to be a safe space for you… if you don’t feel at ease with the counsellor they will find someone else.
I hope the sessions get easier for you but if you really are not happy with, dont add to your stress. You can always try again later x
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Hi @Debbie57 I’m due to have 6 sessions with Cruse. I hope they’re done over video, now. Phone would be quite awkward. 
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I was told about a Grief cafe locally when i registered my wife’s death. As it turned out it was running that very day, so i popped down there, but didn’t join in, i sat with the regular punters in the bistro / pub and just observed. What i saw was a few blokes my age, who sat in silence staring at their feet, a few older men who seemed to be struggling with staying awake, and a few women around my age talking with eachother incessantly, and a few older women talking . Straight away, i thought. “Nope. Not for me”, ate my food, drank my coffee and left.
From my experience so far, grief support groups vary in their format and aims. Some are designed as a social opportunity for those bereaved who maybe struggle to get out and make new friends, and the conversation is not focussed on grief. Others are a group therapy, with a trained facilitator where the purpose is to share grief experiences and feel the support of that common experience. For me, i found the latter was helpful but the former wasnt right for me because i didnt want to chat about the weather, i wanted to talk about my feelings. But i think where you are in your journey will determine whats right for you.
I am on a waiting list for counselling and it should be another couple of weeks. Hoping it may offer me some new coping strategies on attempting to cope with the nightmare of losing my darling partner.
I self referred to NHS Talking Therapies but got rejected telling me they didn’t deal with bereavement in my area and to get on the waiting list for Cruse. I’m not sure how I’ll get on with counselling as I’m not very good at talking to people and expressing my feelings. x
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It was my GP that referred me, talking therapies said they didn’t have a specific grief module, but I did some of the other modules particularly as I was not sleeping well at the time.
Debbie x
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I have not been sleeping well either, my GP has tried 2 different types of sleeping pills but neither worked. I have a phone call with my GP booked for next week. x
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I’ve noticed that a lot of people were saying about a waiting list to see a grief counselor but because I tried to take my own life after my partner passed away I was seen by a counsellor within two weeks and because I have autism spectrum I find it very difficult to talk to people after the first session I did think about not going back but I was persuaded by my doctor it did feel like whatever I was saying the counsellor was just repeating what I had just said and I didn’t think it was helping but after six sessions I realised that she had helped me to realise that by talking about my grief I have come to terms with loosing Ann although I will need a very long time before I can accept she has passed away the counsellor said coming to terms and acceptance are very different to each other I visit Ann nearly every day at the crematorium and talk to her and tell her about the help I’ve been getting I still have days when I think about joining Ann but the counsellor has shown me how to deal with the bad days if anyone is going through a difficult time after loosing a partner and you get to see a counsellor don’t give up after the first session because it does make sense talking to someone who is there to help
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Mine was terrible too, after 4 sessions I was told I was emotionally intelligent, coping very well (told her I felt I was on the edge) and I felt like she didn’t believe me. If someone told me my story I don’t think I’d believe it but surely a professional shouldn’t make it obvious. Never went back
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