Hi, Im new here. My name Nicola, Im 36 and struggling to cope.
I lost my mum to non hodgkins Lymphoma on 1st March 2018 after a short 7 month illness. She was 68, she passed the day before her 69th Birthday. At the time my daughter was 3 and she didnt really understand much but I felt for her as they were extremely close as me and my mum were. And my daughter has always spoke about mum and how she is looking after us now from heaven,
We then lost 2 very close friends in 2019 (suddenly to a brain injury) and 2020 who my daughter called Grandad Jim due to pneumonia.
We then lost my Father in Law on 6th March 2022 very suddenly to cancer. Very unexpectedly at the age of 59.
That same year 2022 in May we lost our family dog to bone cancer age 12.
On the 19th February this year, I have just lost my brother to suspected secondary brain cancer of unknown origin/possible Lymphoma of the brain a very short illness only diagnosed in December 2023. He was 49. My daughter took this one harder as she understands more and again was extremely close to her uncle.
I cant go through anymore. I am angry and I feel like every second of the day I am clenching my teeth and holding back screams.
I cannot begin to imagine your pain. You have experienced such a huge loss over a short period of time and this must be so difficult to process. Have you spoken to a counsellor or therapist about how you are feeling? It might help you to have some coping strategies. If you feel like screaming, scream! Scream into a pillow or take yourself to a private space and let it all out, you need to release the tension and built up emotion in your body.
All of your feelings are normal. You are right to feel everything, even the anger.
Take care of yourself.
You have been through so much loss. You are doing well putting one foot in front of the other.
Your daughter must be a huge comfort for you right now. I know if it wasn’t for my boys. Some days I wouldn’t get up 
I too experience anger , towards other people who just can’t possibly understand. It not their fault I know and wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. But it’s tough to see people going about their daily lives , when yours has stopped.
Hi Bimble,
Thank you for your kind reply. It means alot. I am back to therapy tomorrow so since my brother passing I’ve not been ready to return until now, I am hoping this gives me some comfort until I can find some way of dealing and coping with it all. I have been talking alot to my cousin who I’m extremely close to, we are supporting each other the best we can without smothering each other but I do feel like I need to go somewhere and like you said, just scream it all out.
Some days are calmer than others. I take comfort that I do have those normal days.
Take care
Hi there Hun,
Thank you so much for your lovely message. My daughter is by far the reason I still try to continue each day. She is my rock but I worry that my fears and dread rubs onto her and the last thing I would want is for her to clam up and forget that I am still there for her.
The anger is the worst to control. The passed 2 days have been extreme and have only managed to calm myself today. I feel like when someone is saying something that just seems so bloody pointless I either walk away when they are mid sentence or I cant hide the expression of ‘shut up’ on my face. And your right, its not there fault. But I resent that so many people (my own family - older brother and sister included) can just pick up there lives where they left off, head back to work, college, hobbies and yet I’m here barely managing to get out of bed most mornings and drinking far too much, barely able to cope with daily activities - how is this fair! Why am I not as strong as them to pick myself up again.
I hope you are doing as best you can be. Your boys are very lucky to have you there, keep going for them you are doing great 