My mum died 4th December this year shortly after being diagnosed with end stage cancer. Christmas has been so hard and now facing a new year without her feels awful - I don’t want to go into a year where I won’t see or speak to her again. I am 32 and an only child, with no children of my own. I do have an amazingly supportive husband who has held me up over the last few weeks and months, but facing endless new days where I won’t interact with my mum, laugh with her or hear her voice is so painful.
Hi @Pheobe278,
Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. You are not alone. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Losing a parent category. But there you can connect with other members who are living with grief after losing a parent.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.
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Our Losing a parent page talks through some of the emotions you may be experiencing
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care and keep reaching out 
Alex
Hi @Pheobe278,
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m 34 and my Dad died suddenly in January this year. We’ve just had our first Christmas without him and the 1 year anniversary is looming. You are not alone in feeling like you don’t want time to move on, I think it’s completely natural. You want to stay close to the time you last saw your loved one. I have been feeling dread about moving into a New Year and I’m a bit further along in my grief journey than you. I’ve been thinking about the feelings of dread a lot over the last few weeks, and the conclusion I’ve come to is that a ‘New Year’ is really just a marker… Really we are just rolling into a new day, a new month… and all I can do is keep taking things a day at a time. Be gentle with yourself, the loss is still so new and raw for you. Take each day as it comes and know that your grief is totally unique to you, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, there’s no time scale. I was lucky to access some counselling a few months after Dad died and it really helped me. I hope you can find someone to talk to if you need it. Take good care.
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Hi @gin91
I’m so sorry about your dad, and thank you for your wise words. I really like what you said about new year as just rolling into a new day / week / month which is something we do all the time, I will hold on to that over the next few days. I do have a course of counselling that will start in January, so I’m hoping that will help me with new ways to cope. You’ll be in my thoughts and I hope the next few days bring you some opportunities to rest, grief is so exhausting 
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Hi @Pheobe278
I can completely understand how you are feeling. I lost my wonderful Mum in September, very unexpectedly and suddenly. Christmas I coped with as I saw my family, but New Year I’m really struggling with. I don’t want to leave my Mum further behind, but on the other hand I’m a year closer to seeing her again.
I’m an only child too and have been left on my own, trying to find ways to cope and manage. I’ve been left holding my own hand for strength and comfort and it’s been so hard. It still is.
I’m on a waiting list for counselling and I am desperately hoping that it will help me find a way through this horrible new life that I’ve been forced into and didn’t ask for.
My thoughts are with you. Just take it one day, one hour or even one minute at a time and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s your grief and it’s unique to you.
Be kind to yourself and take care.
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Hello @Sheena29
I am so sorry for your loss, thank you for replying and sharing your experience, it is so helpful to know that we’re not alone, even if it feels like it sometimes.
I hope you get news of a counselling appointment soon and that it’s helpful and supportive for you. I’m thinking of you and hoping you can take some time for you over the next few days, we will get through them in the best way that we can, whatever that looks like for each of us
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Sending much strength to you all. These previous joyous occasions become so hard when someone important is missing. It’s my first NYE without my mum. I have also been trying really hard to see it as just another day and month. If they are always in our hearts, then we can’t leave them behind.
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@Pheobe278 im so sorry for the loss of your mum at such a what should be cheerful and happy time. We lost my dad last Christmas and then mum in July, so this Christmas and New year was really hard with a big gaping hole where mum and dad would have been. I dragged myself through the ‘season of joy’, not feeling it but trying my best to honour mum & dad after all they would want us to carry on happily. Now January has hit I’m struggling more than ever, such a bleak month too. It’s felt like everyone else has been in their Christmas bubble and I’ve been tearful & anxious, going through the motions but not feeling it. Sending you hugs & hope for this new year. Yes it’s different for us. It’s very early days for you so please be kind to yourself, you’re probably still in shock xx
Hello @MelodyBlue
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum and dad, and for the experience you’ve had over the last few weeks. I completely get what you said about January, I actually feel worse now than I did in December. It could be because mum’s birthday is coming up soon, but I also think it’s the thought of a whole year stretching out in front of me that I know she won’t be part of. Thinking of you and sending strength
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