Hi this is my 1st night alone. My mum passed away suddenly from a huge stroke on 23rd March. My son was home from Uni for Easter, the 3 of us lived together. He’s now gone back tonight and I’m so lonely and feel tonight I’m feeling worse than I did when she passed. I know I’m feeling sorry for myself. I don’t want him to feel bad or guilty etc as he has his finals for his law degree in 6 weeks. My mum wouldn’t want him to suffer anymore than he needs to and neither do I but tonight is the 1st time I’ve really felt the grief so far. I just had some little meditation time and a chat with my mum and asked her for a cuddle and suddenly my dog jumped up for a cuddle and the other came and sat at my feet. (I’m aware we all have different beliefs. My mum and I are spiritualists) I went and had an informal job interview quickly today and going back Friday so I have something this week to look forward to. In the ocean of things to do with her estate probate debts etc. I was her carer and the dwp stopped my money last week after only 2 weeks. So this week has been tough as no money and bills. Hence why I now need a job ASAP. To eat would be nice. I think tonight though I feel the enormity of everything and the absolute abyss of loss and loneliness. Going to have the biggest electricity bill as all lights on and TV loud. And brought my duvet downstairs. I know it’s still early days. But tonight is tough. Sorry to ramble on xxx
How are you today? I’m sorry that you’re having such a tough time at the moment. It is incredibly difficult the first time we find ourselves alone after losing a loved one. If you need the lights and tv on all night then that’s what you should do. I know that there have been many times I’ve slept with the lights on. We all find comfort in different things.
What is the job interview you’re going to? x
Hi its at a care home. I’ve never worked in this environment before but looking forward to it as nice long shifts which will keep me occupied. Plus the money is enough to continue paying my mums mortgage and bills until probate.