I went out tonight without a husband for the first time in 17 years.
I was scared, almost bottled it, but I had promised my widowed friend that I would go with her to see a Queen tribute band.
I am so glad I went. The band were very good, but, more importantly, I realised that life goes on, and I can, and will celebrate life. It is not the life that I expected, but it is there to be lived. For a few hours I had fun. I loved my husband absolutely, he died suddenly at the end of May this year. For a few days I thought I might die of a broken heart. For a few weeks I wished I had. Itâs been a few months now. I still love him just as much, but I am still here, still standing, just as he would want me to be.
I donât know how much time I have got left, none of us do. But I do know that I am going to make the best of it.
There will be times that I fall back into The Swamp of Grief, no doubt. Grief is not linear, one or two of the songs tonight almost broke me. But I refuse to let the Grim Reaper take not just my husbandâs life, but the remainder of mine as well.
Onwards and upwards! Turns out there is joy to be had when I looked for it.
Xx
Youve done absolutely brilliantly @Willow112 , and huge credit goes to your friend.
Its still early days for you, but with your positive attitude your new life will grow into something you will be proud of.
There will still be dark times, but they get less frequent and less intense, and youâll even be able to listen to Freddie singing âWho wants to live foreverâ, and join in with him whilst doing housework (I do!!)
Thatâs exactly how Iâm feeling WillowâŚ
We have to go on, and live a full life, and find happiness and have fun because I doubt that any of us have lost a partner that wouldnât want the very best for us, or the best we can make for ourselves.
It might be a long, uphill path with many bumps along the way but I reckon weâre all a lot stronger than we know.
To go on living life doesnât mean we love then any less, or that we donât miss them or we wonât wake up crying at 1:00amâŚand itâs definitely not easy to do!
As for Queen, a long held debate than N used to have with his mates was which album was best⌠A day at the races or a night at the opera?
Iâm glad you had fun and took time out for yourself xx
Freddie was hoovering in MY outfit Tykey. You have got it the wrong way round.
Between you and me, it looked better on him, apart from the moustache.
Xx
Itâs a lovely sunny day here.
I had the choice of housework ,
Sadmin
Gardeningđ¤
So, I got distracted by the pretty flowers, again.
While I was out there I was doing my Freddie impersonation.
I live down a country lane, the very last house. My neighbours were at work, the postman had already been (bastard brought the sadmin), I thought I was safe. I just got to the best bit of the song and I heard a discreet little cough. It was a lost and confused pizza delivery.
We are the Champions is probably appropriate, when you have any moments of doubt.
When I finally saw the glim light at the end of the tunnel I sat with a flat white in a pavement cafe and started to write down how I would like my new life to be. It included new things I wanted to do, but also those things I didnt want in my life any more. (Plus a few toxic people,)
When a new idea pops up, I always stop and think if it will fit my plan.
At the moment, Im sat in a pavement cafe, having yet another flat white and sourdough toast, chatting to anyone within earshot. This fits my plan.
On the other hand I was pressurised this morning to go to a Xmas dinner with 40 other people. This didnt fit my plan, so this was a NO!!!
That song always makes my eyes leak, but for a different reason.
I was at a sports day at a school for disabled children. They all got a medal for competing, whatever their position. Some sang the words, some signed. Then they had a party, it was the best party I ever went to.
The squash was tepid, the sandwiches were squashed, the jam tarts were burned.
But, boy, was it fun.
The only bit I didnât like was having to sweep the floor afterwards!
On a more serious note, those kids have such a lot to deal with, yet still enjoy life.
Makes you think.
Xx
Well done willow.
My husband and I used to joke how on earth could we manage without each other having been together for over 50 years.
We both said that we would never want the one left behind to live a sad life. They had to enjoy it and make sure they and the kids were ok and happy. Thats what we each wanted never realising that he would leave me do soon and suddenly.
Its only been 7 weeks for me and i feel its been 7 weeks of hell but reading through your comments I know its what my soulmate would want and i hope to find a chink of light like you have and come out of this tunnel.
You give me hope
Heartsand
I think our partners would absolutely want us to have a happy life.
It is what we would want for them if the boot was on the other foot.
My husband died of a cardiac arrest, he was fit and well as far as we knew. Didnât drink, never smoked, no history of heart problems. It was a huge shock, almost five months ago.
But I canât allow myself to wallow in self pity, my kids deserve better.
So, I drag myself out of bed some mornings and paint the smile on. On better days I donât have to paint it on, and those days are getting more frequent. They will for all of us.
Wishing love and strength to everyone.
Xx
Iâm so glad I read this thread. My husband died on 1st June this year from a spontaneous introcerebral haemorrhage. He took ill on 30th May and we were told he had become unresponsive on the way to the hospital. We had a choice save his life knowing he would be severely disabled even if he survived the operation, or let him go. We let him go. It is the most traumatic experience of my life. When he died I was there with our son and daughter and our sons partner. We were and still are heartbroken.
But my husband would have wanted us to continue to live, not to (in his words) waste time crying or feeling overwhelmed by our loss. This is what I have done. I went to see the show he bought tickets for as a birthday gift to me â he died 15 days after my 70th birthday, 5 days after my birthday party. I have been to see the show I bought tickets for as part of his christmas present, I went to his cousins 60th and my cousins 70th. I also went to his football club reunion where I was made an honorary member.
All this has been very difficult and I have cried at every outing. But it has helped me enormously in my day to day, new normal life. I am not overwhelmed with grief and i thought i was âdoing it wrongâ but after reading lots of messages on here I realise Iâm not the only one managing to live after a sudden loss. I loved my husband and thought we would have many more happy years together. Its our 46th wedding anniversary on the 28th of this month and I know it will be hard, but the day after will be a new day and I will live my new normal life the way my husband would want me to.
I am out at a concert on my own for the first time for a band we both liked. Quite nervous and anxious but hopefully will get through it and have some enjoyment.
I didnât realise when I bought the ticket that today (Monday) is the anniversary of my wifeâs funeralâŚ
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