First time adding a message

Hi this is my first time to add a comment and explain how i feel
I lost my 15 year old son to bone cancer Ewing sarcoma it will be coming up to 15 years since he passed 15 years with oli n 15 years without
Every minute of everyday I’ve been heartbroken ever since he passed
Living with my loss after seeing my loved one fight so bravely he had so much pain I just could not get him pain free I still hear his painful screams feeling helpless as a mother to ease his pain all I could do was love and support just be here for him he was on so many pain killers ketamine morphine eventually break through fentanyl sticks I still see him suffering everyday
I am suffering flash backs sleepless nights ever since and it’s been torture getting through everyday with a never ending lump about to cry feeling in your throat
I do try to smile and I do my daughter got married last year and I’m going to be a granny first time for me I’m looking forward to this but again my oli should be here for all the happy moments
He’s missed so much and he didn’t deserve to die such a painful death
Life has changed so much for me since
Yes 15 years to many may seem a long time but it feels like I’m in the room everyday since the day he was diagnosed 17 years ago
Losing a family member is so hard for all xx
I wish everyone a peaceful day


Hello @HeliG,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Hello, your message has just touched me. I think i will be the same as you after 15 years. My 15 year old son Elliott passed away in 2020 and there isnt a moment when im not thinking of him. It is the one constant thing.
I have learnt to put on the face of things are fine really they are fine. Inside i am broken.

I think its wonderful you will be grandma and then the thought pops up that
your son may have become a father one day. Our pleasure is often shadowed by sadness of a loss we keep inside as we do not want dampen the pleasure for others.
Sorry that Oli endured such pain. Must feel like a torture for you to feel so helpless. Im sure that he would have felt your love :heart: and the fact that you were there in those terrifying times would have been a comfort. I wonder what he would think if he could see you now ?

Wouldnt it just be so joyous to just hold our boys again. To touch them.

It hurts so much that we cant. Our pain goes on and it goes on. I hope that you can find some peace. When you do kindly tell me how to find it too

Take care xx :kissing_heart: