First time losing anyone

I lost my mother this Tuesday and I am so lost I don’t know what to do with myself.Then the day my mother died I found out my grandfather has stomach cancer and doesn’t have long left.Why do bad things happen to good people?

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Sorry for your loss, it is very hard to lose someone you love, as everyone on this site knows. But no one can tell you why, think it’s a question we all ask, all we can do is support each other. Take care of yourself hun xx

I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum in November and I know how heart breaking and gut wrenching it is. It’s awful. I was talking to a friend last night who lost her mum at 16. She asked herself the same question- why? And she said it wasn’t until a lot later on that she realised there is no answer or reason. It’s just life and life is just really awful and horrible sometimes. All I can say is take one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Reach out to those who love you or phone Cruse or the Samaritans when it’s all too much. It’s so tough there’s no question but I’m sure you’ll feel surrounded by love as I did. It doesn’t replace what you’ve lost but it’s a reminder of how much you’re cared for. Sending you a big virtual hug XX

Hi, this is my first post on this site.
I have been reading the posts and realising other people will relate to how I’m feeling too.
My mum passed away on 23/12/20 after being told her cancer diagnosis, and only had 8 wks to live.
I am still asking why, like yourself but am going on take every day at a time advice.
Some days are harder than others eh!
Take care, sending you lots of love and support. Xx

Thank you so much.Im trying to get through each day and I’m hoping after her funeral I’ll get some peace.I have family but no one can replace my mother she was everything to me.Its so hard every day I wake up and the world just feels so strange and unfair.The day she died I was supposed to see her take her last breath but I had to leave the hospital because that wasn’t how I wanted to remember my mother.The world just doesn’t feel right at the moment.

Thank you everyone for your replies.Im sorry I didn’t reply sooner .Life is just so hard right now.

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I know exactly how you feel, we only get one mum and we have both lost ours.
My mum was my everything too, everyday I just take it as it comes, everyone keeps saying to me, don’t be too hard on yourself, you’ve just lost your mum.
They are right, I am angry and feel lost, everything has changed and dealing with it is hard.
I know exactly where you are, when you say you life is hard right now, I’m there with you.
It’s a terrible time and covid has made it even more difficult.
Stay strong, xx

Starheart I feel your loss and your pain as I too have just lost my Mum and we were so close we were best friends as well as mum and daughter. I spent so much time with her that I now don’t know what to do and question what my purpose is now. So I get you I get all those feelings you’re having and I can tell you you are not alone in going through them all and none of them is weird or strange or not right as every feeling you have is valid and born on your relationship with her which was unique and special. Try to be extra kind to yourself right now as you go through all the grief and keep talking to her, I know I do and it helps a little. Hugs and warm wishes coming your way Red Poppy :slight_smile:

Starheart I am so sorry to hear this. Please never feel alone. When I lost my mum I felt like I was the only one going through it and it felt so unfair. Then I joined this group and realised I had people I could talk to and share how I felt.
No one can replace your beautiful mum and you will always miss her, but I can tell you it does get easier to live with. My mum died 3 years ago and I still miss her everyday. She was the most beautiful soul I have ever met.
Sending lots of love and please remember there is always support here and people who know what tremendous loss feels like xx

Thank you. I’m so sorry for what you all have gone through.
My mother died on February 2nd 2021. I know I’ve got a lot of healing to do. The nights are the worst alone with my thoughts just trying to get use to my new normal. My mother had antipholipid syndrome and epilepsy and she was ill a lot but I never thought she would die not at 52 anyway. I need her so much right now. Life is so unfair. I’m 33 and I needed more time with her she helped me so much with my son and she was the one person who I could talk to about anything.

I’m so sorry, 52 is such a young age, and it’s so unfair she was taken so early. I was 37 when my mum died so slightly older than you, but I was 7 months pregnant at the time with my son so seemed so unfair she never got to meet him, never even knew he was a boy.
I used to wake up in the night and panic, just couldn’t believe she’d gone. I’m sorry to say you never stop needing her, I certainly haven’t, but I have a close sister which helps. Do you have family? We’re always here if you need to talk.
Take care xxx

I agree with KateJ I don’t think you ever stop needing them or missing them you just learn to live alongside it. If there is one thing I have learned over the years is that life is indeed unfair. We don’t have the answers to some of the unfairness which makes it more unfair and we don’t get it but all I can say is we are so resilient and the resilience does make us stronger. Your Mom is still with you in your heart your knowledge of her your relationship with her she is always there - just a thought away. It is so so hard the hardest thing we ever have to do. Sending much strength and courage your way and just take each hour as it comes don’t look too far ahead. Big hugs :hugs::hugs:

Thank you.Things are so hard right now I had an argument with my family earlier blamed them for my mother’s death which isn’t true but compared to my mother they are useless.She just held us all together and now we are all falling apart.

My mother’s funeral was yesterday.It was a beautiful service but it felt wrong it felt wrong she died at 52 it doesn’t make sense to me.

Standing there watching my mother’s coffin being put into the ground just felt like i wasnt actually there i couldnt take it in.I know everyone dies but why now.It was a natural burial and it’s a stunning place to visit but even though she had her illnesses she was still fighting she deserved better.She should be here to watch my son grow up.

Thank you for all your messages.Im so sorry for everyone’s loss.Its heart breaking.I hope you all find ways of coping.Im still trying to find mine.

Dear StarHeart so very very sorry to hear you’ve lost your Mum who was only 52 that’s so sad to have to deal with. I’ve just lost mine too but she was 92 so I feel honoured to have had her in my life for so long but It still doesn’t help with the grief. In fact I feel her loss so deeply as we were so close and we had each other for what seemed like forever. Ways of coping is exactly what it is as no one can bring them back. We have to keep going and make them proud of us. Be extra extra kind to yourself at this awful time nurture you as your mother would have done seeing you going through all this grief… Warm wishes lot of compassion and big hugs RedPoppy

Thank you.
I think losing your mother at any age is hard.Im sorry for your loss especially as you were so close.Im just trying to figure out how to live my new normal.

Theres so many things my mother use to help me with.I use to go to my mother for all my problems especially things you could only talk to your mum about.

I feel really alone and now I don’t know who to go to for advice.She had two younger sisters but we aren’t close anymore.All I really want is a big hug from my mother even when she was in hospital I didn’t even get that but I did get to say goodbye which I know alot of people weren’t able to do.

Hi i’m new to this, the site and a form of counselling. I’m a 20 year old student nurse who’s currently on placement in a hospital.

I lost my grandpa back in April, when I was on another nursing placement, and i had an exam and essay to do for university and then we went straight back to placement, which is what i’m currently on.

It has been one of the hardest things i’ve ever had to do, i have been dragging myself through this and i’m now at my breaking point. I have never had a death before and even now writing this I cannot best to write death. Or even grandpa. he was my everytbing and it was so unexpected.

Being a nursing student has made it impossible to go home and be with my family, i have seen them at the funeral and a one night in london for an event. I have been facing this alone with the hell of my friends. but at university it’s crazy, going out drinking, doing our uni work, it’s always non stop. but then when i stop and think i cry and i hate the world for making me be like this. i want to become a nurse, especially for my grandpa, but how do people get on with it? I don’t even know how people do hard stuff like gojng to work or cooking like everyday things without crumbling. some days i’m better but other days i fall apart but have to put on a front to make sure i make it through each day.

My anxiety has developed since his death which keeps me up at night before a shift, makes my mind go crazy while i’m working but i’m having to remain professional for 13 hours which again drains me insane amounts.

I’ve never thought to reach out to anyone but i think i need to whether it’s with my university or an outside source. I cannot afford to pay someone but i also know my university will not be the best at supporting me through this, as they will say keep going. and it’s so easy to say that but when you are faced with difficulties with you’re job and you just want everything to go back to normal i don’t know how to get on with things anymore.

any advice would be hugely appreciated.

Hi Imogen.
You poor thing. It’s years since I lost my grandparents but I can still remember the pain, especially about losing the one you were closest to. It’s so hard to keep going when all you want to do is curl up and die.
The only thing I can say is, try to think how your grandpa would feel if he knew how devastated you are. It would break him into pieces. I know, because I have four grandchildren , one is your age (the only girl) and she was in bits when her beloved granddad died a couple of years ago. It broke my heart to see her so upset. She is getting her life together now, and sometimes says that her Granddad would like what she is doing. He would be proud of her. It will take a while for you to feel better, but you need to try to carry on with your life and do something good, in memory of your grandpa.
I think you will find that being on this site helps. It helped me enormously and even though my need is not as great as it was (you DO learn to cope) I still find it a great comfort on bad days.
Look after yourself. Eat properly etc. You are not alone.

Me again! I have no idea why it has been 17 days until you had a reply. It isn’t like that normally. I hope you haven’t given up! I have now replied to you and hope it’s not too late.