So I was away for a few days with my son just the two of us as normally my mum would have been with us. I thought I was ok till we went swimming and I could picture where she would have sat with her book waiting on us. The other difficult part was seeing kids with their grandparents or mums and I was without mine. I disappeared to the steam room and had a cry then at night in the room both my son and I got upset as it felt so strange her not being there. We walked into the town centre and there’s a statue and I have a photo of her and my son and it was raining, the rain started just as we got near it think she was telling me she was there with us. They also had scoobie doo showing as the kids movie which her and my son would watch when he was you. It was tough though and I feel like I have taken another step back as had a meltdown when we got home, bit my sons head off and just couldn’t stop crying. I have had two firsts in a week, maybe it’s that her birthday then our break away and it’s just too much.
I know exactly what you mean, Valda. I lived with my mom all my life, over 70 years, and there are so many situations where I miss her because she was always there or thereabouts. I’ll notice something around the house and it will spark old memories of the way things were which is very upsetting and heartbreaking. Crying is a good and natural way for people to cope with great stress so never feel ashamed of crying. It will get better gradually although you will always miss her.
Hi
I am so sorry for your lost, losing our Mum’s is beyond painful.
Sometimes the firsts or the step backs are steps we have to take to keep going, but that doesn’t make it any less tough to do. I imagine your Mum would be immensely proud you still went away and she’d be touched by how much she was entwined with that visit and her memories even though it was with sadness.
Be kind with yourself and I hope you can have some moments of peace and gentleness amongst the waves
Beki x
@webplodder @Beki thank you for your messages. It’s only just been over 3 months but feels like an eternity without her as she was always just there. I just feel like I don’t want to go away again after that as its not the same without her. My son is 12 as you can imagine you don’t get much conversation but even though her head would be in a book she always had plenty to say.
Thanks
Valda 
Bless you sweetie it’s awful. I can’t stand looking at Facebook anymore because I feel like it’s full of posts of people with their mothers and kids with their Grannies.
I’m relieved to be able to come on here and be with people in the same boat.
@MrsY I know it’s like a constant reminder that they are gone and you won’t ever be able to have that again. Even my friends saying that they are going to visit their mums and vice versa it just hurts. It’s good to have this group to fall back on.
Valda
Hi Valda,
My brain has been pretty scrambled and I can’t always remember who I’ve replied to previously and what their stories are? Are you the one whose Mum liked John Wayne?
My Mum at a similar time to yours. I know that sometimes I’m getting triggered really easily and intensely. The firsts are hard and really why wouldn’t they? But it’s not always easy to give ourselves that compassion -but readily give it to others. They mattered and we miss what they gave us. I’ve been feeling that I will never have the feeling again, that I had when I was with her. It’s so painful.
It’ll probably be less painful if you did the same trip, another time in the future. I think we’re scared we’ll never feel OK, but it’s just “too early” at the moment.
Mazza x
@Mazza6 hi yes my mum is the one that liked John Wayne 
I know I am on so many different chats can sometimes forget to.
It is difficult and just when I think I am getting there even crying once a day is a huge achievement it’s like I take a few steps back and feel at square one without her again. I think that we need to go somewhere that doesn’t have memories with her as it is so difficult but most places she came with us.
Take care and thank you for your kind words
Just remember you don’t have to plan or do the trips now. Over time you may feel different, sometimes wanting to go somewhere you know, sometimes somewhere you know.
My Mum died in March 22. We always travelled together. Last September I needed to go to Barcelona for work and a friend very kindly said she would travel with me. Mum and I had always wanted to go to Barcelona. When I went another friend gave me a notebook to use as a journal. I also wore Mum’s favourite everyday necklace - that helped. It sounds odd but I dabbed it with the sea water and then from a fountain in the famous gardens.
When you do go on trips in future maybe wearing something of your mum’s will help. Or buy her things - I know it sounds mad but buy a postcard and write a note on it about what you are thinking. I still get my mum birthday, mothers day, Christmas cards and write my feelings in them and then sore them in her memory box.
Hope today is being kind to you
Beki x
@Beki thank you. I felt like we needed to get away but in hindsight I think it was too early since losing her as I feel like it has set me back. I knew it would be difficult but didn’t realise how much.
I wear a ring that she only wore if going out have wore it since she passed and a silver chain that I put a pendant on, makes me feel close to her.
Have felt a bit better today but been keeping myself busy painting my sons bedroom.
Thank you x
@Valda
Oh good, I got the right person😃.
Sometimes Im able to try to learn a lesson, when I do something that doesnt have a good outcome.
You didn’t know how you would feel this time and you took a risk. You now know that you weren’t ready for this particular trip, its too soon. Yes, it sounds like a good plan to go somewhere different…
Take care. Mx
It feels like going backwards but youre just going back to pain. We all want to avoid it if we can.