First year after loosing my husband

I lost my husband of 54 years back in late June this year. He was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour and died of an acute subdural haematoma 4 weeks later. I get comfort from the fact that he didn’t really know how bad the tumour was. Having said that I’m obviously missing him like crazy. My family and friends have been extremely supportive and I don’t know what I would have done without them. I go for walks and talk to him, if anybody heard me they would think I’m off my rocker, but it helps me. However I’m now coming to a very difficult time, obviously my first Christmas without my Brian, but his birthday is the beginning of December. My two boys are making sure I’m not on my own for either of these events, as well as New Year. I realise I’m luckier than some folk who have no one to turn to, but it’s still so very, very difficult and although I put on a brave face in public, I’m quietly dying inside.


Hello @BallroomQueen,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Hello Ballroom Queen
I’m so sorry for your loss and what you’re going through. I lost my husband very suddenly 10 weeks ago today and like you am struggling badly. Also like you, his birthday is on 14th December and then Christmas and New Year to get through and dreading it. I’m glad you have family and friends to help you through it, that will be a great comfort for you. It’s good that you’ve reached out to this community, we all understand better than anyone what the pain is like and we can support each other. We all have our own ways of trying to cope and whatever helps is great. I’m opting to not have to put a brave face on and I’ll just spend the time on my own, trying to get through it as best I can. Keep reaching out here, you’ll find great advice and understanding. X

Hi @BallroomQueen , and @Mist2 . Reading the original thread, and Mist2’s response seems to reflect perfectly what happened to me last year. I went through the chaos of the early days, I had wonderful friends who supported me, Xmas was coming, etc etc. But I also found my own way of hanging on, and I did it in my own way, but safe in the knowledge that if I got it wrong, my friends would turn up and help me try again (maybe in a different way)
Last Xmas, my first on my own, I planned to take myself off on my own, except our two little dogs, and spend time with my memories somewhere nice. As it turned out, I did spend it on my own, having got Covid on Xmas eve!
This year, times have changed, Ive made great progress with overcoming my grief, and I’m planning Xmas again, alone with my wife and our memories, and looking forward to it!
Ive hung on, sometimes with my fingertips, but be confident and optimistic for the future, it might not be the same, but it can be good
Mine is! Good luck!

It’s so encouraging to hear that you are coming out the other side of the dark tunnel. It gives me hope that my world won’t always be so deeply painful.
Our last Christmas last year was pretty much a non event also, my husband took ill with COVID on Christmas Eve too, and I had it in time for the New Year. I wish I had better memories from last year but even though we were ill we were together. I think this community is going to be the support we need.