I went to my Tai Chi class tonight for the fourth time. Some of the people go to the pub afterwards for a soft drink and stay about an hour chatting and I went too. I sat with four ladies, all of them widowed about a year or two ago. I asked them how they coped in the early days. One said that she refused to let two people die, it was more than enough that her husband died that day and she didn’t intend to live the rest of her life in limbo. Another said that you actually have to want to feel better and not allow yourself to get too used to mourning. The other one said that she had to carry on for the sake of her children who had already lost one parent. The last one said that she had seriously considered joining her husband at first, but then thought that all the pain she was going through would just be inflicted on her son instead and he would have to sort everything out instead of her.
They all said that they still cry on some days but in private.
One husband had a cardiac arrest, one had been in a hospice, one in a care home. The other lady didn’t say, I didn’t ask.
Looking at them during the Tai Chi class laughing and seemingly enjoying life, I would never have guessed that not so very long ago they were going through what I am going through now.
I came home thinking if they could do it maybe I can too.
Xx
Willow112, thank you for your post. It is really reassuring to hear something positive and well done for joining Tai Chi. I hope you’re enjoying it x
To be absolutely honest, I felt a bit of a dick the first time I went. But I went again the next week just because it was better than staying at home feeling miserable. It was better the second week, and it seemed to help improve the cramp I have been getting in my feet and legs at night. I don’t feel so self-conscious now, I have never been into yoga, tai chi or mediation, but I thought I would give it a go, and I am glad I did.
I didn’t want this new life, I was more than happy with the life I had. But, like everyone here, I am stuck with it.
Xx
This gives me hope. What the lady said about her kids having lost one parent already, really resonates with me. My son only has me now, I have to be both parents to him now so he can’t lose me too. Thank you for sharing.
Hi @JC2024 That lady is absolutely right. If you ever don’t want to go on in this horrible new life we have, then the reason to keep going is right there in front of you.
My kids have also lost their beloved Dad and are all devastated, struggling to make sense of it all and feeling sad and lost a lot of the time. That thought keeps me from falling apart most days - that they can’t lose another parent - I have to keep going and be there for them.
But it’s tough being the only parent to grieving kids and you will need all the support you can get.
I’m so sorry you find yourself here. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself. Keep posting here if it helps and remember you are not alone.
Sending hugs and strength xx
Thank you for sharing your story with us- it shows how we never know what burdens people carry.Grief is difficult , one day at a time.