Not a day goes by where I don’t think about my Mum. It’ll be a year in May that we’ve been without her and the good memories are starting to creep in but at the moment I keep having flashbacks that are so negative and I don’t know why I punish myself in such a way. Why does my mind go back and play over every detail?
I lost my Mum very suddenly - she was told her shortness of breath was anxiety and as it turns out it was a fatal blood clot that went to her heart. I just keep seeing her lying in the hospital bed with tubes coming out of her mouth. I keep thinking about the conversation we had only weeks before it happened where I told her I couldn’t do all of this without her and she promised me I’d never be alone. That conversation makes me feel mad and disappointed, almost like she lied but of course she didn’t. How could we even know?! I almost feel like we had an odd sixth sense by even having that conversation.
I’m not entirely sure where this is going. I think I just wanted to know if anyone else goes through the same cruel flashbacks of their situation? I think I just want to know I’m not alone. Despite having so many wonderful people in my life I just feel so alone because they’re not the one person I want more than anything.
Flash backs at strange times with me out of the blue images feelings sounds. I think its all part of the processing in the brain.
I hope they will be replaced by the better memories as you have far more of them I am sure.
It will be a year in April with me and it feels like yesterday.
stay strong talk to the people around you and post on here .
It’s truly devastating to lose someone who knew that there was something wrong, approached the national health service with their health complaint, and the healthcare professionals didn’t recognise the seriousness.
I am sorry that you are having flashbacks. I have them too. I lost my dad nearly 7 months ago. I have flashbacks of him being in hospital and me not being too patient with him, wishing I could go back and change what I said, show more understanding, be more helpful, when he asked for different drinks to have got him better ones, when he said he was a burden to be more firm in saying of course not and tell him how much I love him.
Above all I can see that your mum loved you and my dad loved me and because of that they would never want us to feel guilty or bad. We can honour their memory by trying to be happy.
I have terrible paralysing flashbacks of mum in hospital, they are the worst.
I just think that even though it was horrific I still had the honour of being there for her and hoping that she knew and it was a comfort to her x
Mel, I feel and think that they knew - best to think that as it is sad enough putting one step in front of the other in a world without them. They loved us and want us to live and be happy and at peace. My dad was the kindest and loveliest always thinking of others and not himself.
I know they want us to be happy.
Lost my 14 weeks and 1 day ago she was run over. I will not allow myself to think of that night but occasionally them thoughts come into my head and they take my breath away. I always said if anything happened to my mum I wouldn’t get up off the floor, but I am it’s hard not a day has gone by were I haven’t cried and longed for hug off her so much has happened since she left this earth and we had so many plans .
So sorry to hear that. I can see how painful it is for you.
The only thing I can say that perhaps may comfort you is that - you learn to live with the pain. I lost my dad 7 months ago, he use to be the first and last thought of the day, as well as grieving for him throughout the day. I am still grieving. I doubt the pain of loss will ever go, but we have to try and find happiness because they would want us to be happy.
Sending you my condolences
Thank you for your kind words. I hope in time, but at the moment it’s just so painful. She would want us to be happy, but I thinks she would also understand as we relied on her so much even as a grown adult.
She’s a foster carer and her she has turned her current foster child’s life around and now she’s gone. My dad’s has really stepped up, but he’s struggling with PTSD and misses my mum so much. Death is inevitable, but we just don’t talk about it enough.
Were you close to your dad ? Are you able to do things again and get any enjoyment ?
The world is such a darker place now
Yea me to i dont know why the universe does this it adds insult to injury. When we are in need of comfort why does thecuniverse throw us more dirt make us feel bad guilty when we are dying inside a bit
Maybe the universe wants us to appreciate the best times. I lost my dad but he was 89, two years earlier I lost my nephew - he was 5 and had Cancer since he was 2. I feel like I have lost a huge chunk of my heart but I can’t imagine what my cousin feels in losing her little boy.
Dad was suffering and had no quality of life. He had been such an active man, playing tournament tennis and beating men in their 30s right up to his late 60s. From Jan 2024 he was bed bound, on morphine, in constant pain but he still wanted to live, even when he was end of life he had that spark until the nurse said, even if he survived he would keep getting pneumonia until he died, they pumped him full of medication- a man who before only believed in natural remedies. I am in bits.
I’m hearing your dad had a really happy fulfilled life. My mum did too, but she always put everyone’s needs before her own and thought we’d be able to give back to her in her later years and never got the chance.
So many things have happened since she left and it’s so painful not to have her to reach out to.
My mother in law has just had massive stroke I’m really close to her and now she can’t talk properly and will never walk again. You go through life being a good person and get all of this thrown at you.
Still going though just started new job and that is a distraction. When it first happened never thought I’d be able to do anything again but we are. Some days are easier than others
Hi Lisa,
In answer to the other message that you kindly sent me. I was extremely close to my dad. I loved him above everyone except my children but that’s a different kind of love. Since I was a child he was always my main person, my wonderful dad, my best friend, confidant.
I will send this and keep writing as I am about to yake off to sweden
Sounds like our parents were similar and we are sharing similar excruciatingly painful experiences.
Are you alone or do you have a partner? Children?
I am really sorry to hear about your mother in law, so much pain.
It makes us stronger or maybe colder? i often wondered why dad didn’t cry, he lost his siblings, friends… I guess after so much loss your tears just dry up or you learn to cope.
Oh sounds lovely for a holiday ?
I have 2 children. My daughter is 26 and son 15 they are very close to my mum. We were planning New York this year for my nephews 18th. My daughter would do a lot with my mum they would go to concerts together as my daughter lives for her music and go to record fairs. My dad is so lovely, but growing up it was my mum who was there mainly as dad worked long hours so it would be mum taking us to dancing watching our competitions.
They do sound very similar.
How old are your children?
I’ve started a new job and get distracted and then the guilt I feel at the end of the day it consumes me.
So sorry for the negativity there are positives learning to live again which I never thought we would do
Enjoy Sweden
I know it really does doesn’t it. People keep telling me to think of my memories, but at the moment that doesn’t help as I just want her here. I don’t to just have my memories
It’s truly devastating to lose someone who knew that there was something wrong, approached the national health service with their health complaint, and the healthcare professionals didn’t recognise the seriousness.