Is anyone else experiencing flashbacks?
If I try and think of my Stephen all I get is flashbacks to how he looked with the ventilator… the jump of his chest as it forced the air into him - the constant alarms (this was all on our FaceTime visits) or when he went onto the ventilator, how scared he was.
The watching the heart monitor slowly fall when he ventilator was turned down.
I can’t grab hold of a positive memory without unlocking the other ones. It feels cruel that I can’t even have the happy memories we created.
Yet another thing that’s been taken away.
I’m so sorry you are going through this my partner was in a induced coma for 5 days due to a blood clot that ruptured his bowels he was 37 the sound of the constant beeps and alarms are something I will never forget but I realise how lucky I was to be able to sit with him my hearts breaks for you and for many others that couldn’t do that take care it will get easier take it minute by minute hour by hour x
Lost82
I am having the same thoughts/ bad dreams, my man was on a ventilator and passed in my arms in a horrific way I can’t put it on here it would upset people, his machines were turned off by the staff. I am traumatised by these things and not being able to see him at the chapel of rest because of the close coffin rule means these are my only thoughts.
I am having counselling and they tell me you have flashbacks because your brain is trying to make sense of the events.
I am also so upset that Tim was probably scared when they took him to ICU and I couldn’t comfort him everything about covid is wrong and cruel and poor people like us are left behind to try and survive and me I live with guilt that I wasn’t there when he needed me.
Virtual hugs 
I’m still going to see Stephen most days at the chapel of rest. I’m not sure it’s helping but I can’t leave him there alone after having to leave him in the hospital
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