does anyone suffer from these? It’s 2 and a half years since my son died and I’ve had so many flashbacks this week. They’ve never stopped but I haven’t had so many until this last week. How do you cope with them? x
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Hi, I get them regularly. Normally consists of me doing CPR on my son, police, ambulances and paramedics, and sirens. They are my trigger points which I have and learning to deal with. It’s because we have had so much trauma to deal with. They do get less frequent xx
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@MJG i guess it’s because of what we’ve been through. It happened to me the other night when watching Ambulance on tv. Yes they have got less frequent, but when it happens it’s such a dreadful feeling, I’m literally back to that dreadful night.
Hope your doing ok x
I’m doing ok I guess, good days and occasional bad days, I have come to recognise trigger points which is good, I used to watch programmes like Ambulance, etc, but not any more. How are you doing apart from flashbacks xx
@MJG still taking one day at a time. It’s very difficult, I miss my son so much, it’s so true the only rest you get is when your asleep x
I suffer from nightmares,night sweats and flashbacks from watching my son pass away in front of my eyes,he was 31 years old and died from a cardiac arrest and I administered CPR but unfortunately he didn’t make it.
Loud noises,sirens,blue lights and so many more things trigger me.
He passed on 1st November 2022 and although they still have an effect on me it does get a little easier as time passes.
I miss him with all my heart and will always wonder if I could have done more but I know he is at peace.
I gave birth to him and he died in my arms,where he needed to be.
Love to everyone on this truly heartbreaking journey.
Xxx
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Hi there. I’m not an expert so bear with me. I’ve read about somatic exercises and resetting the nervous system. I turn my head to the right. Then turn my head to the left. I place my arms relaxed behind my head and turn my eyes only to the right until I give a sigh or a yawn (about 60-90 secs). Then, turn my eyes only to the left until I give a sigh or yawn. Look forward for a moment.
Also a quick, double breath in helps.
This relaxes me and I’ve tried it a few times a day to bringing my cortisol down.
I am no expert but am sharing what has helped my anxiety after my son died after a long illness in 2021.
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I’ve been referred for EDMR therapy via a charity though therapist said it works better 2 or 3 years down the line, rather than now , ( 7 months down the line) she said she will be able to reduce my triggers from the 10 to a 7 or 8 now , but get them down to a 2/3 , later on. There’s also the risk that previous traumas 30 years ago may start effecting me again but as its just 8 sessions with her she wont be able to deal with those resurfacing.
Anything is worth a try. I actually wrote down some of that Friday as I call it to see if that helps, I think in time I am going to write all of that Friday down from the time I got up, etc just to try and clear my head. Anything for all of us is worth a try xx
I think it has in a way, as it’s the first anniversary on Sunday and I’m sort of feeling ok at the moment, The date today is the last time I saw my son alive when I met him from work and we went back to his. His last words to me were bye Mum, see you Saturday, love you. How it all changed. I’m holding it together as I have my partner in pieces at the moment about the loss of his son. Hope you are as okay as can be xx
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@MJG I think about the last week all the time, I think that’s what causes the attacks, not sure if it’s anxiety or a panic attacks. All I know is it’s horrible.
I hope you get through the next week, I’m here if you need a chat x
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My daughter died in front of me too in 2022, I wasn’t able to save her. The coulds and should or the might haves go through my mind everyday. I guess they always will. I think losing your own child is unimaginable and we not only have the overwhelming grief but for many of us we are also experiencing trauma which affects everything too. Someone said to me ‘you were there as your girl took her first breath and you were there for her last breath, you can’t do more. I think it’s a lifelong journey to learn to accept the unacceptable. It’s not yet our time to die. We are still a mum or a dad though our child is dead, and our love continues, every day. Somehow we are learning to live with what we can’t get over. We can’t do it quickly and there aren’t any short cuts to such overwhelming grief. Slowly, slowly hour by hour we are keeping on keeping on. Things can improve as we learn to live with it. That’s good enough. We don’t have to be like we were, it’s ok to settle for just being able to function and even that has its own time frame and takes a lot out of us, when we are finding it hard to simply breath especially in the awful aftermath of the death of a child we brought into the world. I’ve given up on trying to be the person I was, and it’s a great relief. I was trying to do something that’s not possible. Now I am grateful for the better days and I put up with the bad days. We are dealing with the loss of our child and trying to find our way in a changed landscape in which we are struggling with the loss to our identity and life expectations too. It’s no wonder we have such overwhelming pain. Our thoughts are always with our lost child but it’s not selfish to, at some point in our grief, consider how we might travel the journey we have in our own lives so that we consider it’s ok to be kind to ourselves. Everybody’s different but every single person who is in our situation deserves love and support and kindness and over time it’s possible to give that kindness to ourselves. Not saying I do it all the time, or even most of the time but I do see the sense and hope in it. I wish everyone on this awful journey even just a glimmer of hope for the future. Xxxxx
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Thank you @Nell2 for your words. I often find it difficult to put into words exactly how I’m feeling and your words just rang so true for me. Xx
Thank you for your words. It’s a year today I lost my son aged 35, xx
Hi all,
They say sadness never leaves you where it found you, so true. Sadly flashbacks & trauma go hand in hand, 
if it helps, try counselling, no-one should have to struggle alone with the affects of such traumas. Sadly I have what I feel is too much experience of trauma, I have found the getselfhelp.co.uk website helpful, they have worksheets & printouts for a range of mental health related things, including stuff on trauma & flashbacks. From my own personal experiences, I have found that how to handle it is different depending on the cause, so professional advice or support may help. Sending everyone hugs of support.
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Gill1960 thank you so much. Got to admit the last 48 hours have been full of emotions, flashbacks, crying, happy memories as well which are so important. Really not sure where a year has gone most of it seems like a fog brain. How are you doing. One day at a time is all we can do. Big hug and thank you again xx
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@MJG i don’t remember much about the first year, it’s all a blur. Times are still tough, I guess they always will be. Other peoples lives move on whilst mine just stays the same. Not many people mention my son or ask how I am anymore, which is sad.
I still take one day at a time, never say yes to things I’m not completely comfortable with. I’ve explained this to friends and they say the understanding.
Look after yourself xx
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You take care of yourself, every day feels like a challenge but all we can do is our best xx
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