Flashbacks

Coping with bereavement
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I really struggle with flashbacks of the final days of hubby in hospital/hospice and also funeral. It’s been 3.5 years and not improving. I wonder if I have PTSD as this all happened during covid and he was stage 4 before diagnosed.
I am struggling constantly to move on.

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Hello @MCcatlover ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are struggling with flashbacks and feel unable to move forward. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to have a read through this Sue Ryder Article - How long does grief last? Talks through the timeline of grief, from hours to years.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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My husband died just over a year ago and I too have those awful flashbacks to those final days/hours in hospital where the staff did nothing to help him. Unless people have been through this they can’t possibly understand that it’s not something you get over but you have to deal with it. I really don’t think we ever move on, to be honest, although people think we have. I believe it’s wrong to hide our emotions and so I will scream/cry etc and leave the room if I need to. I went to the doctor last year to ask for help and despite a long conversation about what had happened as I left the doctor actually said to me “and how long have you been feeling like this”! My husband’s cancer returned after over 20 years but the hospital didn’t discover this at first and then did nothing to help him, no food or medication, because he was too weak. It’s those days I get flashbacks of and the last moment. I do try very hard to socialise and create some sort of new life but of course nothing will ever be the same. I try and think of how he would feel about me and I know that he would want me to carry on and make/do something with my life, which is very hard after 44 years. I’m actually going on my first solo holiday tomorrow morning to Italy, bit scared and also a bit excited, but I know he would be proud that I am managing to do something. There is no time scale to say when we should feel better and I believe if you truly loved someone, however long you were with them, you will never really get over it somehow we just have to learn how to deal with it.
Take care and I hope you find this forum as useful as I have. Gail xx

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MCcatlover I experience the same as yourself. It’s almost a year since my partner passed and I’m finding it incredibly hard. Flashbacks have been going on since he passed. Everything from could I of done something different? Did I do enough and his time in hospital and his death. I go over and over things repeatedly. My partner had cancer throughout COVID as in your situation. They said it was cured but it had traveled to his lungs. He was brave. He said he didn’t know how people managed if they were on there own so please take comfort that your husband had you by his side. It made a huge difference to your husband having you there. I’m grateful I had the extra time with my partner. Yes personally I believe it’s PTSD. Even when you know someone has a limited time you can’t be prepared for how life is afterwards. It’s hard to get your head around it all. My thoughts are on repeat and I zoom into the negative ones but then flip back to the blessings I had. Everyday is a struggle but I get through it because that’s what he would want me to do. I keep fighting even though I don’t yet know why.

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