Ive been ok today but now i keep on getting flashbacks to when my husband died the sound coming from the bathroom door when he was gasping for breath and then he slumped in the corner and i couldn’t get in because his legs were up against the door and just seeing him lying there with his eyes closed can’t stop crying and my stomach is in knots
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Oh @Debrat
I had a similar time last week. I had to pass the Hospice where my husband died. And I relived the 5 days he was there, minute by minute. I cried all that day. Even when I went out to meet friends, one of them asked how I was and I was in floods again.
These days seem to happen out of the blue, mostly I like to think I’m coping , then wham it slaps me round the face again to remind me of what I’ve lost.
I know its so hard but its normal grieving.
Big hugs to you
I fully understand, I often get flashbacks to the day Chris had his heart attack, I saw it happen but he was too heavy for me to get onto the floor and on to his back to start CPR although I had been trained and had carried it out on patients in hospital. No one prepares you for the fact that you physically can’t do it. That’s left me with a lot of guilt. The paramedics managed to get his heart pumping again but too much damage had been done, he was kept alive in ICU for a week before his organs failed and the decision had to be made to let nature take it’s course. It was 10 months yesterday when he took his final breath and I couldn’t stop reliving those final hours when I sat with him knowing that the end was coming.
Same here paramedics got his heart going and he was taken to icu we sat with him for 3days but his brain had been starved of oxygen with the heart attack was the hardest and worse 3days of mine and our daughters lives to watch him slowly die
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@Debrat I know exactly how you felt, only consolation was that family got a chance to say their goodbyes. Mind you I have felt that the fact that they could come in several times during that week but (he suffered from anxiety and hardly went out for the last 18 months) never came up to see him while he was properly there. Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh, but I was pleased that I was the only one there with him at the very end.
That’s what I keep thinking, Nicks head went down to his chest like he passed out then he slumped to the side on the sofa, and was making snorting sounds, and his hands clenched and his colour changed, it’s the snorting breathing sounds I also struggle with, I just have to keep saying to myself but he passed out first he wouldn’t of known, but we do and I keep reliving it
Oh I am sorry - flashbacks are awful. My husband also had a heart attack and was in a coma for a few days but couldn’t regain consciousness due to damage to his brain. The awful noise of the gasps after the arrest will always haunt me too. The paramedic did say they weren’t him struggling and trying to breathe, more a bodily reflex. It helps me to know he wasn’t suffering and was unaware of it all.
At first I thought he was having a seizure because the snorting sounds sounded like when my son had a seizure once, but then the paramedic was doing CPR i knew what it was then, yea my husband also in coma for two days before the life support switched off, but I know from the moment he passed out he knew nothing
Same for me, I had done CPR many times on the Annie doll on the first aid at work, the paramedics had just walked in the door when he passed out, and then he started snorting sounds, i had seen this happen in work I knew then what was happening but it is different seeing someone you love having CPR two days in Torbay icu, again his organs failed, he was even put on the kidney machine as well, and yes knowing that the end was coming I keep living the moments 7 weeks ago for me