I keep having what I can only describe as flashbacks. I find my mind going to those moments, moments of suffering, my girl’s last moments, that last day, what that wicked cancer did to her body, the changes, her distress, her pain. My beautiful girl, she was such a fighter, she was so brave, I want to be as courageous as she was. I don’t want to keep remembering these pictures, I want to remember the good days. Even when she was ill but managing to get around - her whizzing the shop on her electric wheelchair, picking up trainers and t-shirts, having a spend-up with her pay off from work; watching her enjoy those cakes, Victoria sponge, banana cake, that I baked for her and took over; in Harvester where we all celebrated her birthday in July (we never thought she would make that). I had these memories/flashbacks when my husband passed 13 years ago, and I physically used to say out loud ‘swipe away’ as if I were swiping on my phone. It worked to an extent. I know it is very early days, it has only been 3 and a half weeks, but I just want these images to go away. If anybody has any advice/experience of this perhaps they could share, as these thoughts are there soon as I wake up and it is exhausting me.
Hello, im suffering with those at the moment too, mainly at night time when i get into bed. I just get up and put something familier on the TV that ive watched over and over, that does help me.
That is early days for you, im 5 months in now, i will say flashbacks for me are not so bad now as in the beginning.
Sending you love x
Hello @Lydia3,
I’ve just shared this on another thread but it may be helpful to you, too. Mind have some self-care tips on coping with flashbacks, which you can take a look at here:
As you say, 3 and a half weeks is no time at all and you will be going through so many different emotions. Thank you for sharing some memories of your daughter with us 
Thank you Karen, and SR. The last few days these memories have been somewhat less, although I am aware they could return. I have been trying, as you, to distract myself with trivial things - reading; watching TV/headphones watching netflix etc. And yes, it does seem to help. My partner understands it and me, he knows that when I pick up the book, or the headphones, it’s me saying 'I am shutting off now, losing myself in something other than constant pain and sadness '. We do what we have to do yo get by.
My partner is not Dans dad (doesnt have children), so its been hard for him i think with the change in me. I have tea then disappear into the bedroom with my headphones 
then thats where i stay, some days i can stay with him all night sometimes i just get up and sleep on the sofa. its a new way of living for now. Take care everyone x
Flashbacks = memories ?
I get memories that pop into my mind daily mainly memories of mum or a situation I shared with mum. I lived with mum for 50 odd years so I got loads and have a very good memory. So it’s not easy!
Mine are flash backs of the time we had to fly to California to see Dan in hospital to the day we lost him. the whole time there was very traumatic, ive not allowed memories in yet
My whole life a learning curve at the moment. I’m surrounded by memories as I’m still in property I shared with mum. I owe money to council with council tax and was diagnosed with Myeloma Cancer back in June. I’m dealing with everything on my own too in what time I get.
As you can imagine life not easy and maybe thinking of my life as a Victoria sandwich might not be too far from the truth. Just got off phone with Citizens Advice.
Keith - yes I believe what I called flashbacks are memories.
Keith. It is difficult times indeed, and not easy if you are trying to cope on your own. When I did a Hope bereavement course after losing my husband in 2011, we were told that loss is about the connection. The connection in life we had with that person we have lost . Having lived with mum all those years you obviously had a strong connection to her. I was always close to my daughter, but since her diagnosis of cancer we became closer still. I saw as much of her as I could, especially once I knew it was terminal, and had some very close conversations with her. I cherish every second we had, but realise the closer we are to someone the deeper the grief. We are all here for one another.
This rings so many bells with me. Whilst I wasn’t there when he died, I have imagined every second of it a million times since. Was he scared? How much pain was he in? Was it quick? Did he realise it was happening? I have tortured myself with so many scenarios for almost 2 years now. In effect, he died once, and I’ve gone through it for him countless times, each time worse than the last. I am coping better now and telling myself that I know the whole process didn’t last more than a matter of hours (it was a sudden death) and that hopefully, he lost consciousness long before he was aware what was happening. It is over for him now and he is at peace. That’s what gets me through. I would have loved more than anything to have been with him, but I know he wouldn’t want me to be re-running it again and again. Easier said than done of course! It is such a horrible thing we are all going through and whilst their pain has stopped, ours is going on - and at some point, we need to acknowledge that they aren’t hurting any more and to wish them, and ourselves, peace.
Yes I thought about that, mum had two children a girl and me. I’m the youngest out the two. My sister left home young and got into a relationship. I on the other hand never left home. I have spoken to my sister about it and she just said I was closer and all mum talked to my sister about was me. I guess there’s no right or wrong way when it comes to life ? I was on phone to the Citizens Advice yesterday about Council Tax debt. I did mention mum and the person on the other end of the line said I would never get over the loss of mum. 55 years!
I too have these flashbacks and images. Every night as I go to bed I see her face on the pillow where she passed. I go over conversations we had when she received bad news at the hospital and so much more. I think this must be natural because we invested so much love and support in our children to get them through even though our hearts were breaking. I am trying very hard to follow a piece of advice I have been given - not always successful but it sometimes helps. The suggestion was to always have 2 or 3 photos with me which were taken on happy occasions. When a flashback happens I look at them and try really hard to replace the memory image with the happy ones. I’m hoping that over time I can make the memories of the awful times fade and allow the good ones to surface. I have a long way to go and for you the events are still so fresh. Hugs to you. 
Im so sorry we are on this painful journey. My son James was 31, he died 4 months ago from Sudep. He died alone outside his house. I am haunted wondering if he was waiting for me to help him, was he frightened? My every waking moment is consumed with guilt. I failed him when he needed me the most and i cannot forgive myself. The overwhelming pain follows me all day and night.
Everything is so bleak.
How did i get it so wrong?