Hi Lea mum Callum
So sorry for your loss. I lost my son last august 2023, he was 27, sudden cardiac Arrest.
Life has changed forever but one thing is you can’t rush grief, you just take it minute by minute and then hour by hour,
I made myself walk the dogs from day 3 and the fresh air really helped me and crying and walking and meeting people is ok. You choose who you speak to as and when you’re ready.
My dogs have been the best therapists ever and still are.
Be very kind to yourself and take your time and dont be rushed. Your grief is a timeline and wont end, it will change and soften as time goes by.
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Hi Ruby3, did you ever have a reason for your son? I can’t believe I’m even typing on here & I’m sure we all feel the same. X
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Hi LisaKW
Coroner report 14 months after!! Said sudden Arythmic death syndrome.
Went to the gym, was fit, just like the footballers who collapse on the pitch.
He was at home and you are very unlikely to survive a cardiac arrest at home apparently.
He is in my heart and I talk to him and think of him all the time.
Sending you a hug to keep strong.
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So like my Sam. Unbelievable that 1 minute they are there, fit and healthy, then next not. I find it too much to take in and the PTSD flashbacks are making me feel like I’m going crazy. Sending love x
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Callum also went to the gym x
He cycled walked and was fit and healthy… his motorbike was his pride and joy.
Its horrid. I dont trust anything anymore. I cant sleep without the lights on anymore. I can’t sleep without some back ground noise. I only sleep when im exhausted enough to pass out.
I hope wish and pray that you get your answers x
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Thank you Ruby, its so hard to be here where none of us expect to be, i walk our dogs at night currently to avoid peoples platitudes and looks … i just need to be heard right now, not hear the better place platitudes etc
Im sorry for our children our loss and the suddenness of it all.
I go from crying constantly to numb. Angry to cry.
Thank you all for your kind words of support.
Lisa is right, can’t believe we’re on here writing.
Hugs all x
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I visited the Chapel of rest yesterday, Callum’s funeral will be on the 10th dec. I took the dogs to see him for their closure … his dog Blaze has gone really quiet and sad. I promised Callum I’d look after him, and promised Blaze that i have him now.
The first visit was a bitter sweet saddened relief, l get to say my farewells and so do his siblings, yet its very very hard. Im no longer in that fog, or shock, just geart ache as the reality of Callums passing seats itself inside of me. I never knew a human could cry this much until I, as with all here, became the shattered person. I have no sense of time. Everything feels empty, but we will try to fill the void with love and the memories of Callum.
Im dreading the funeral. Our final journey together. I brought him into this world, and now i walk, with heavy heavy grief, Callum to his final place of rest x
Much love all xx will update after the funeral, i just dont know when xxx
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Be gentle on yourself and just take it minute by minute still.
Walking every day with my dogs helped me enormously as it still does.
As you say you brought him into the world and brought him
Up and took care of him and you will have those memories in your heart always and they will carry you through your hardest days to come, i often find myself feeling down and a memory will pop in my head and make me smile for a second. It definitely lifts you.
It’s our new life now and it’s still surreal to me and only 16 months ago but feels like forever.
Take care xx
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Sending kind thoughts to you for tomorrow. My son died on the 28th October and we had his funeral on the 22nd November. It was heart warming to see so many people show their love and support. Xxxx
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I lost my youngest son a few weeks ago to cancer aged just 29 - totally relate to all you are saying about the waves of grief which come at you sometimes when you are least expecting it. I often find myself with tears pouring down my face in the car, or if I find something of his in the wash, or his plectrums in the hoover (he was a musician). Daft stuff. Some days I am kind of ok but other days I struggle to even get washed and dressed. Some days I feel numb, other days I feel the pain really keenly and can’t stop the tears. I go from angry, trying to find someone to blame, to blaming myself (should i have noticed it sooner) to numb to impatient (especially with people who whinge about low level stuff or complain about their kids). Emotionally all over the place. And there are some of you in this group who had no notice, no time to get used to the idea of your children dying - at least I had 18 months, although I always believed he would get better. My heart goes out to every one of you.
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Everything you say really resonates. I feel for you. I want to try and create a new life, a future but not sure how that’s going to go. Alison xxxxx
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Callums funeral was on the 10th such a heart breaking day yet he had an amazing send off. Admittedly i was crying too much to notice and cry with whopping big sobs. His viking send off in a viking coffin… i felt deeply sad at the wake watching his friend’s celebrate callums life through shared memories and tears, thinking Callum would love this, he should be here living his young life with his friends. He’d have loved to see his grandparents who came up to suppirt his siblings and i for a week. Deeply unfair.
I collected Callums ashes on Monday. Hes home but not in the way we wanted him, but a small relief marred with great loss and fathomless sadness. I miss my big lad so so much. Its sad that we have photos up of his life but will never make new living memories with him. The never agains hit hard. His brother and i ordered one of his favourite foods tonight and spoke with Callum, cried while eating a bit. My appetite isnt great at the minute, but i have started getting hungry again even if its small amounts. We bought a small xmas tree with lights already fitted and memorial decs. If i dont do xmas this year I’ll avoid it next year and the next. We’ve called the tree Callums tree of light. Next year we put the light tree up (1 foot long) and our own. Grief is hard. The nightmares are horrific. God bless us all who are in this crappy club we didnt want to be in, much love and light to us all x
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I’m truly and deeply sorry for your devastating loss of your beloved son and I know the devastating impact losing a child can do to a parent as I lost my beloved sister to cancer last September, she was also 29 and I had to witness and live with my parents losing a child.
When you say he and not was, I also do the same with my sister and I will forever include her name in birthday cards and write them for her on her behalf because our loved ones will always forever exist in our hearts and let their name and memory forever live even if they’re not physically with us.
We’re mentally have been really struggling and I also get angry to why my sister was taken from us as you feel the same with your son. You are not alone in this dark world and keeping our beloved lost one’s memory alive I feel is all we can do.
Stay strong and I know you’re son is watching down proud of his mum.
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My son who had special needs died of cancer July 2023. I put my sons name on them,saying and not forgetting Christopher. We had him 47 years, he fought all his life,but he could not fight this terrible secondary bone cancer. We had his name put on the new London air ambulance,so I say fly high my beautiful son,he was always helping people.
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Hi there
Sorry for the loss of your beloved son Christopher, forever including our passed loved ones on cards etc always feel spiritually they’re always with us. That’s amazing you put Christopher name on the air ambulance, can’t imagine how proud and happy he would’ve of been to see it.
My sister had similar, her work offered to plant a tree in her name which we of course did and I know that would’ve of made my sister happy too. What matters most right now is keeping their name and memories alive, god always take the good people first and angels belong in heaven.
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