I lost my son on the 12.11.2024 its so fresh and raw and unreal and painful. Im cycling through varying emotions from No this is not real to anger and who to blame when theres none to blame then calm but hurt so much hurt. I use he is instead of was because to me he still is. He died from a massive heart attack, but an autopsy will tell us more. I dont know what to do. Noone is telling me what i should do. Ive no instruction. Its so very very fresh and i cant believe he wont be coming back. I already miss his smile and thevsound if his motorbike pulling up to home … i dont know what to do. I have random bouts of deep loud crying then short bursts then numb.
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Dear Lea mum Callum,
My heart breaks for you. Im so very sorry to hear about your beautiful son Callum. My son James died suddenly 3 months ago, he was31. I cannot understand why he is not here with me as i am sure you cant with Callum. Navigating this path of grief is painful, the emotions are relentless. Take one day at a time. Be kind to yourself, dont dismiss your pain and anger, dont pretend to cope. Draw strength from those around you and talk.
This site offers great support, stay in touch with us.
Im sending my 
Laura xx
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Hi , I am so so sorry, I too lost my darling son on bonfire night. He collapsed playing football, he was 15. We have had an inconclusive result from the autopsy but in the following months we may hear more, and there will be an inquest as he had hospital tests 4 weeks ago due to a collapse, all came back ok…I have no idea what to do , I need to be here for his sisters but all I can think about is being with him. I hope the lovely people on this forum can give you some comfort, the only thing I can offer is you are not alone. I totally understand everything you are going through. Sending so much love xx
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Hello @Lea-mum-Calllum,
I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your son that brings you here.
I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.
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Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.
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The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. They have a grief companion scheme where you can get 1-1 support from another bereaved parent. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.
Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Abi
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I need to go to his bedroom and get things we need for arrangements for his funeral … im finding it extremely difficult ti face his room, i keep looking in and breaking down, its just bits little bits i need but i cant bare it, theres pieces of his life everywhere around our home, and i just want it stay where it is right now and not be moved, but im being told i need to sort things. I will move things, but im just not ready, im emotionally all over the place and when the numb takes over its a break from the despair for a short time.
Im angry and mixed up, from one end of the scale to the other. This fog isnt clearing. Moments of clarity are a blessing, even though the clarity is this numb feeling. Everyone else seems to be moving around okay, through tears. Im a mess. The reality of his death is hitting me wave after wave after wave. I have great memories with Callum, but i wanted to build more, not plan a funeral for Callum. Its unfair. I feel like he was stolen from me, from us. The days are timeless. I have no direction but i need it. The only instruction i have is to arrange his send off with fanily. One step is difficult, but i am doing it. Its just so hard. Still waiting on the coroner report. We need answers. Eating because i have to, its mechanical. I feel guilty for eating.
Thank you for replying x
I appreciate those who did x in this situation we’re in. Its not something any of us could have imagined ourselves to be in.
Im sorry for all of our losses.
Appreciate this forum so bloody much
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Sorry you are here too. It’s devastating and so painful & yes to feel like we are having a breakdown or going to have one is surely the ‘norm’. I lost my lovely Son, Sam, in May. Age 30. Collapsed and never woke up. His inquest has just opened. I have no idea what is going on and am somehow surviving the day. He had so much to live for, he was young, fit and healthy. I went to Cardiac Risk In The Young and they have been very supportive and helped with results. We are all being tested now. I just wish it had been me. Sending hugs xx
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Lea-mum-Callum - sending you so much love and strength, I too can’t face going into my special boys room though we had to get clothes for him as I am visiting him today in the chapel of rest… I have no idea how I am going to put one foot in front of the other and as for arranging a funeral… He was 15 … How do we do it ? I’m so terrified of everything, my daughters’ leaving the house , me sleeping in case I don’t wake up to be there to care for everyone else… I can only hope the strength comes from somewhere. Please look after yourself as best you can … There is no right or wrong in this awful situation. Take care , my thoughts are with you xx
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I bought Callum some clothes that he already has, i just cant bare parting with his favorite clothes that still smell of him, i keep inhaling everything his, remembering his laugh and favorite foods, him as a baby through every stage, its killing me, his sister and brothers. I get angry. Disappointed. Scared and break my heart all over again. Not alone but this grief is lonely. Hard. If i had a voice to scream that hasnt run horse from crying id scream.
The coroner is doing the post mortem tomorrow, should hear by tomorrow or Friday at the latest as to why my boy had heart failure at his age. In my addled brain i thought this was done already. Ive had conversations i dont recall having and conversations ive muddled. Im lost. Without instructions. No map.
Thanks for listening (reading) just to vent a little helps a little x
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My heart is breaking for you, as I am feeling all this with you… we had to start on the funeral arrangements today but I am finding it so difficult, we had no conclusion from the post mortem but tests are ongoing … There is also an investigation into the hospital procedure as tests were done after a collapse 2 weeks previously, we were told all was ok but are now told actually it wasn’t… Could this have been prevented… ? …We are all having to go to have ECGs and heart scans done this week and I am terrified for everyone… This is so hard and all the feelings you describe I totally understand…sending so much strength and love to you and your family xx
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We have just started our family testing, it’s so worrying that someone may have passed on a faulty gene. Have you looked at Cardiac Risk in the Young UK? They have been so supportive with my family & have helped with referrals for genetics testing. My Sam had a car accident last Oct and we think he passed out at the wheel, but the hospital have ‘lost’ his ecgs that were taken on the day so we will never know. He was sent home with a very high heart rate and they put it down to stress!!! Have a look at CRY Uk. Sending love x
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Sam’s first report was inconclusive, since then we have had ‘hypertrophic cardiomyopathy’ (from first pathologist) then we asked for second opinion from cry uk and it came back as SADs, but maybe genetic arrhythmia. We now have inquest, it’s all too much.
How do we even get through the ‘f’ day. There’s no words.
X
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We have each other and others on here if we need, i know its only a text, but we’re both (all) going through it … its shit utter shit … i hope what ever happens we get answers because theres nothing worse for us right now than not knowing. I sent pictures of some migraine nasal medication and a lot of energy drinks he had in his bag and room to the coroner via email … just trying to find answers … huge hole in our lives i feel it too … i cant see a future without my boy i just cant … i fight for his brothers and sister, but its hard. Angry. Broken. Distraught. Devastated. I haven’t opened my curtains since. I cant face the outside. I walk my dog and his dog at night to avoid people. Im here lisa i hope you and your loved ones get their answers
Leanne
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I will 100% look into this
Thank you x
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There was a motorbike thay just drove by the house … im in tears writing this it hurts so so so much… the bike sounded similar to my sons , his dog (my dog as ive taken him on) and my dog thought it was Callum & jumped up at the window wagging their tails expecting him to pull up as he did and come through the back door. It broke me for them and me it utterly broke me. I had to open the back door in tears ans show them he was never comung home again that his bike is locked up where he ladt left it … this is incredibly hard.
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We have been referred to a ‘top’ cardiologist for tests but I am going to contact CRY anyway as we want a memorial fund setting up. I don’t trust anyone at the moment… everything is panicking me and the only slight bit of peace I get is being out in the hills or woods with my dog…nature really does calm that racing mind that we just can’t control …Love xxx
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That’s me, I don’t trust anyone. There’s a lovely lady called Lily at CRY and she will support you. If you are on Facebook they have a Mother’s group. I’m so sorry we are here, we’d all give anything not to be x
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The coroner rang this morning, Callum passed from a pulmonary thrombo embolism. I told my boy weeks ago to go to the dr about the pain in his leg where the clot was starting to form i told him, he could have still been with us. Weve been told we need to go for screening. I feel so guilty for not pushing him nagging him. Callum could have survived this if i had nagged and pushed. My poor boy did not deserve this.
No parent deserves this. 
We have our answers but still more questions form.
I did not know a human could hold this many tears.
Im so angry. Im devastated. Im guiltily.
Its unfair on our children.
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You are not to blame, we do our best to protect our children.Look what has happen in Laos. Even when they do go to doctors mistakes happen,My son and I were told twice the pains in his hip and spine were muscular. It turned out to be secondary bone cancer.The outcome would have not been different,but it shows they do not check
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So very sad and not deserved. I’m so sorry. We are still waiting for final results for my Sam, it’s been since May. No parent should have to go through this, it’s unfair and very cruel.
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Sam didnt deserve this to take this long, my hear breaks for us all.
Callums pulmonary blocked his lings and his heart gave out. Im devastated he could still be here today if hed have gone to the dr, told me he was having troubles breathing anything … i kerp replaying what he was trying to say before he died, he was trying to say something… i wonder if he was looking for for me or trying to say I cant breath… i have so much pain and guilt. On Monday i have to go to and register my sons death. I hate this i hate all of our situations. I cant see a future without my boy in it … i know that you all feel this way too …
29 years of age reaching his life goals making plans and it was stolen away. I mourn what he will never do. I mourn the plans he will never complete. I mourn the series he was waiting for of yellow stone next season he was waiting to watch …
No parent should go through this. None. No sibling. No parent.
Bless you all my heart hurts for us all xx
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