Just realised why I feel odd I have a anniversary today and tomorrow.
Dear Robin
Sending you so much love and prayers
You are not alone
Then why does it feel like that
Dear Robin,
May I share with you a journal entry I made when I lost my mum?
“I look around me and wonder how many people are carrying a sadness within them. How great their loss could be. I feel changed forever. I have no doubt that I will always be sad, every waking minute, for the rest of my life. No moment will feel complete ever again. I feel robbed of my time with mum. Of my future and of our futures together. I have lost the person I am when I was with her, the parts of me that only came out when mum was around. How can anything have any meaning from now on? Nothing tastes, sounds, feels the same. I no longer recall what life felt like before mum passed. How can there be people walking around, eating, drinking, laughing, when the world has changed? It is now unrecognizable. And sometimes I am so angry, at everything and at nothing at the same time. And I remember God, and I take a deep breath, and I try to think of what Amma would have said to console me. But I am struggling to remember a lot of what she has said to me. Maybe she hasn’t said that much. Maybe I can’t remember. I hear her voice, and I see her face, constantly. I keep waiting for her to walk through the door. I have not known life without her in it, and I don’t know how to be in this world without her in it. And now, I feel like there’s a hole where my heart used to be, a hole so big that it’s all I am, a void, without a shell. And this void is so big that it fills every room before I enter it and I am constantly in a void everywhere I go. It’s everywhere. It’s an expanding void that clings to everything and it’s all there is left. A darkness.“
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If any of that resonates with you, i promise you that you are not alone.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel your pain through your words. Have you family and friends who can be with you as these anniversary days arrive? Would you want to go for a walk with a friend, or a coffee, a meal, to fill some of the time?
This community have been immensely supportive to me and I hope you can find the same too.
Thinking of you and hoping the next few days go by with love
Thanks for sharing this with me today. My world was changed forever. The hardest thing is knowing she died alone
Robbed of her presence Robbed of time
Robbed of her presence and time
Needs to come up sitting on my 
sitting on my heart