@Deb5 I am a deep thinker lol but yes I do connect with people as I am a very outgoing fun person but it’s a surface only connection
I’m sure life will change for the best in many ways but this loss is a scar that resides deep in the soul that can be unmatched in terms of connection to others.
I’m off to bed to give my brain a rest
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I’m in the 5th year now without the love of my life & I remember that second year being so much harder than the first for the very reason you say, people think you’ll be ok now after getting the firsts out of the way. But those who haven’t gone through losing a partner can never understand. Everyday you wake up without them is like losing them all over again. Every new day is a new first. Every time you say I instead of we. Every time you walk past couples holding hands & laughing together. Every time someone talks about where “they’re” going on holiday or what “they’re” going to do at the weekend. It’s like constant pinpricks of hurt, it never goes away, you just learn to live with it better.
Our grandson is coming up 2 & never met his grandad, every new thing he does his grandad will never see. It hurts every day. I always mention Derek in conversation, I vowed to myself whilst I’m here he will never be forgotten.
Sending love & strength 
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I get that! Already I’ve got friends saying things will get easier after you’ve gone through all the firsts… but does it… they have no clue they haven’t lost there partners or even there parents yet… I’m sure they mean well but you cannot truly understand or have empathy for others until you have experienced loss…
One of my friends daughter in law is losing her dad to brain cancer… and she said to her “he just needs to go” all this suffering is not good for him then you can get on with your life! I was shocked 
I had to explain that her daughter in law won’t want her dad to die she will want to hang on to every thread of him… and even talk about him in the present tense once he does pass this is one thing I hate’s people saying he was a good man… past tense…
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Omg how callous … x
My husband passed away in January. I am retired but I try to go out to the events and I our village. Some people still as how I am , others don’t.
I bring him up in conversation because it helps to her his name on my lips.
In addition to this group I have self referred to the NHS Talking matters. It may be known by another name where you live. I also go to a bereavement drop in at the hospice. I know I can take about my husband as much or as little as I want to and nobody minds if I cry. It’s easier to talk and cry amongst people who understand my pain but they are not involved personally.
You might find it helpful to find similar places.
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What post are you referring to … gosh wont let me click on it !! Its ok.i have friends on here i talk about these things. But thanks anyway xx
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“Feeling forgotten about”. I’m pleased you have friends to talk to. I find the group helpful because they do ask how I am.
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Yeh … but i do have a mum alive still too and friends near me but its important to be heard isnt it … Xx
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I just don’t think she gets loss as she hasn’t experienced it yet both her parents are in there 80s and her husdband is fit and well…
Yeh youre probably right ! X
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How are you feeling today?
Have you managed to get out in the fresh air ?
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I have thanks - have you ? … 2 dog walks and met my friend. Shes so good meets me everyday with her dog 
on the field near me - doesnt replace my lovely husband ofcourse … been missing his kindness today 
wish i could go back to my old life … i didnt want to not have that life anymore but we had no choice did we xx
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What a lovely friend you have hang onto them… glad you had a good day… I walked my doggie down the beach then went for a swim and spa… now I’m making bread with my grandson…
I miss my Chris I try not to think too deeply of us together as it’s too upsetting… looking at the photo albums I find so hard…
take care let’s hope we have another good day tomorrow…
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I have got a good friend youre right. Im going to see my new grandson on thursday and im same try not to think too deeply anymore cos just makes me cry but today was one of those days … i been bit poorly and that makes me think about him cos he would look after me xx
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Sorry to hear you’ve been poorly… I know when your run down it’s hard as we have no one to care and cuddle 
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Yeh thanks. Im getting better now thanks but yeh seem to have had few things since i lost my husband … i was never poorly before : ( xx
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That is so sad. Perhaps people think if they mention the person who has gone you will be upset. Far from it as you want to talk about them. I have found with friends that even if i mention my husband in a conversation they just ignore and go off on a tangent! My daughter understands and listens but nobody else. I feel quite annoyed with some of my friends but perhaps they dont want to dwell on the past.
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Yeh youre right. People dont like talking about the person who has gone … its bloody stupid. I love to re- live happy memories recently. … why are people so flipping heartless … just use your brain. Its not that hard !! Obviously it is !!
Some people seem incapable of any insight ! Drives me mad ! X
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None of us need people like this in our lives, time to forge new friendships with people who understand, care and show some compassion. I would rather be alone than surrounded by selfish people. I don’t want fixing or pampering but I do deserve respect and kindness, so do all of us…nothing less will do, I lost my husband so losing a so called friend or 2 has no comparison
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Yeh i agree and most people are really good that i am friends with … tbh i think some family are the worst … they just cant handle it can they … x
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