Its been a year for me just past since i lost my partner, our daughters first birthday came and went, i went back to work, but nothing has ever gotten easier. The problem now is that everyone has forgotten, and expects me to be fine. Noone asks how i am, noone talks about my partner, noone talks about my baby girls mum to her, noone offers the help they did after she died. Its as if its just a world that she never existed in and everyone thinks its okay and i have to be fine with it. I’m more angry than i was a year ago, less broken but more angry and frustrated.
17 Likes
Hi, Its hard when people stop asking. My partner died 2 weeks ago and people have stopped asking how I can have just well stopped altogether. I think they don’t know what to say or don’t want to hear the answer. They are greaving to but they dont understand what it’s like for us. They want their grief to be theirs and theirs alone
5 Likes
I’m 10 months in, nearly, and cold hard reality is they are lost in the sands of time.
As time passes, everyone moves on and carries on with their lives, maybe the occasional fleeting thought around birthdays or special occasions, but that’s about it.
It’s different for the partner left behind - they were woven into fabric of our lives and will always be there
I feel it’s our responsibility to keep their memory and spirit alive and never let it fade - if we don’t, who else will
13 Likes
Diadhuit
I feel your anger and hurt .
We seem to all walk this path where our loss becomes just ours . It’s a lonely one isn’t it , and a child is involved to a first birthday a milestone . None of us on this site has a history with you but please keep posting and express how you are feeling . We will hold your anger and hurt because we truly understand the silence felt around our loved ones who we mourn.
Two weeks, 10 months one year 6 months for me. I already know that it will be me who keeps my husband’s footprints in the sand alive in present and future time.
He said I will be soon forgotten which broke me when he said it and continues to with this deafening silence all around me. I promised him I never will and I won’t until my last breath. I intend to sign family birthday cards with both our names and mark his birthday and our wedding anniversaries .
While he was with me and following on to what he said I had my first and only tattoo placed over my heart area with our initials entwined in a delicate design which he saw and loved .
Others may forget but we won’t 
Find your ways along your path it is a lonely one . X
5 Likes
Aw … i remember when you came on with lovely pics of your partner. She was lovely. Sone people are so callous arent they i have found since all this. They just dont get it ! If i were you i would just talk about your partner anyway and sod em !! If they really care about you they will understand 
cant you even talk about her to your family ? And have you somewhere where you can go talk to her like her memorial ? Or even just talk to her photo ? I hope you feel better venting on here at least Xx
4 Likes
One thing I’ve learned about grieving is that it’s something that lives inside of us, and at times it can make us feel isolated because it seems like no one else cares. I find myself hiding how I really feel from others. I don’t know why. Perhaps I feel like they think I should have moved on.
The other thing I learned was that in my case, my wife and I were in a kind of loving cocoon and as such we didn’t have many friends. When she passed, there was very little interaction with others other then my brother so I was pretty much alone right away.
But yes it wasn’t very long before my coworkers and acquaintances stopped asking about me. And yes it feels wrong sometimes. I don’t really blame them. I mean the reality is that it’s really our world that changed and I know that before I lost my spouse I never would have truly understood the pain that one feels with this kind of loss.
There’s something about losing the person that we always turned to in a time of need, the one who always comforted us and cared so much about us. The one who always seemed to know how to make things better. I think it takes away some of our strength when we lose our partner because our partner in a big way was our strength.
I guess I’m rambling. All I really wanted to say was that I do understand what your going through and I feel for you.
I wish you peace.
13 Likes
This is so true, and it’s so hard to cope when your hurting so much but you have lost the strength and love you need. That strength and love that got you through everything no matter what.
8 Likes
No youre not rambling - youre spot on !! Thry did care about us and they did make us feel better and we could turn to them yeh so hard to lose that x
5 Likes
@LynT yeah it is sad - not something you think about until you come face to face with it.
I also have no kids or legacy - again something I never gave a second thought to.
Does all seem a little in vain
4 Likes
Id like to say it makes a big difference having kids but when they grow up they do what they want … they dont really understand what its like to lose person closest to you …It was their dad and i know they loved him dearly but they dont feel the loss as severely … their life hasnt changed that much … they still got their partners and their family, their routune is the same … thats how i feel anyway x
5 Likes
No, no one experiences the loss like the partner thats left behind - it’s a devastation on a whole other level.
Everyone else has their own lives and while they may experience the grief, it’s not the same in any shape or form.
They move on, we’re left in this permanent state of purgatory
5 Likes
I know … that’s so true. We get what i call “distractions” from our grief but then that feeling of loss comes back again …its just crap really … i hate the instability of it … losing the one permanent person who was always there come rain or shine …
4 Likes
Yeh we do. You’re right. Its not just the person its everything that goes with it !! Their advice , their support, a hug , a smile . But as someone said day at a time and best not to look too far ahead as its too overwhelming and yeh you do become more selfish. How can you not …youre only looking after you …(and my dog! ) and can you.not connect with people .?.it will come eventually … .x
Yep !! We.have to hope to find some happiness dont we ? Its our.only way out of this really …
They would want us to find some happiness you know … thet wouldn’t want us to be.unhappy for rest of our lives xx
2 Likes
I’m in the 5th year now without the love of my life & I remember that second year being so much harder than the first for the very reason you say, people think you’ll be ok now after getting the firsts out of the way. But those who haven’t gone through losing a partner can never understand. Everyday you wake up without them is like losing them all over again. Every new day is a new first. Every time you say I instead of we. Every time you walk past couples holding hands & laughing together. Every time someone talks about where “they’re” going on holiday or what “they’re” going to do at the weekend. It’s like constant pinpricks of hurt, it never goes away, you just learn to live with it better.
Our grandson is coming up 2 & never met his grandad, every new thing he does his grandad will never see. It hurts every day. I always mention Derek in conversation, I vowed to myself whilst I’m here he will never be forgotten.
Sending love & strength
13 Likes
Omg how callous … x
My husband passed away in January. I am retired but I try to go out to the events and I our village. Some people still as how I am , others don’t.
I bring him up in conversation because it helps to her his name on my lips.
In addition to this group I have self referred to the NHS Talking matters. It may be known by another name where you live. I also go to a bereavement drop in at the hospice. I know I can take about my husband as much or as little as I want to and nobody minds if I cry. It’s easier to talk and cry amongst people who understand my pain but they are not involved personally.
You might find it helpful to find similar places.
2 Likes
What post are you referring to … gosh wont let me click on it !! Its ok.i have friends on here i talk about these things. But thanks anyway xx
1 Like
“Feeling forgotten about”. I’m pleased you have friends to talk to. I find the group helpful because they do ask how I am.
3 Likes
Yeh … but i do have a mum alive still too and friends near me but its important to be heard isnt it … Xx
1 Like