Its been a year for me just past since i lost my partner, our daughters first birthday came and went, i went back to work, but nothing has ever gotten easier. The problem now is that everyone has forgotten, and expects me to be fine. Noone asks how i am, noone talks about my partner, noone talks about my baby girls mum to her, noone offers the help they did after she died. Its as if its just a world that she never existed in and everyone thinks its okay and i have to be fine with it. I’m more angry than i was a year ago, less broken but more angry and frustrated.
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Hi, Its hard when people stop asking. My partner died 2 weeks ago and people have stopped asking how I can have just well stopped altogether. I think they don’t know what to say or don’t want to hear the answer. They are greaving to but they dont understand what it’s like for us. They want their grief to be theirs and theirs alone
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I’m 10 months in, nearly, and cold hard reality is they are lost in the sands of time.
As time passes, everyone moves on and carries on with their lives, maybe the occasional fleeting thought around birthdays or special occasions, but that’s about it.
It’s different for the partner left behind - they were woven into fabric of our lives and will always be there
I feel it’s our responsibility to keep their memory and spirit alive and never let it fade - if we don’t, who else will
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Diadhuit
I feel your anger and hurt .
We seem to all walk this path where our loss becomes just ours . It’s a lonely one isn’t it , and a child is involved to a first birthday a milestone . None of us on this site has a history with you but please keep posting and express how you are feeling . We will hold your anger and hurt because we truly understand the silence felt around our loved ones who we mourn.
Two weeks, 10 months one year 6 months for me. I already know that it will be me who keeps my husband’s footprints in the sand alive in present and future time.
He said I will be soon forgotten which broke me when he said it and continues to with this deafening silence all around me. I promised him I never will and I won’t until my last breath. I intend to sign family birthday cards with both our names and mark his birthday and our wedding anniversaries .
While he was with me and following on to what he said I had my first and only tattoo placed over my heart area with our initials entwined in a delicate design which he saw and loved .
Others may forget but we won’t 
Find your ways along your path it is a lonely one . X
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@Diadhuit
I get it…I have just passed the first year and nobody asks how I am or mentions my husband. I was extremely hurt and angry but my attitude now is good riddance to those people who let me down when I needed it the most. I am stronger, wiser and learning to live with the loneliness, I would rather that than people around me who don’t care. I have no family left and no children and have narrowed my support team down to a few good friends who do care and check in on me. I treasure those people and wise enough now though grief to stand no crap from anyone. If you can’t be bothered to think of my husband or me you can just go and do one…harsh but that’s how I have become
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Aw … i remember when you came on with lovely pics of your partner. She was lovely. Sone people are so callous arent they i have found since all this. They just dont get it ! If i were you i would just talk about your partner anyway and sod em !! If they really care about you they will understand 
cant you even talk about her to your family ? And have you somewhere where you can go talk to her like her memorial ? Or even just talk to her photo ? I hope you feel better venting on here at least Xx
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“they are lost in the sands of time” that hit me hard, it’s so true but so horribly sad. Their full vibrant lives obliterated forever in the sands of time…“Lest we forget” is also a poignant reminder of that…I often think that because I never had children there is no legacy of me left behind…all seems so pointless at times
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I took a photo on my phone yesterday and thought to myself I have captured this moment/memory but the second after it’s taken it is confined to history…
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One thing I’ve learned about grieving is that it’s something that lives inside of us, and at times it can make us feel isolated because it seems like no one else cares. I find myself hiding how I really feel from others. I don’t know why. Perhaps I feel like they think I should have moved on.
The other thing I learned was that in my case, my wife and I were in a kind of loving cocoon and as such we didn’t have many friends. When she passed, there was very little interaction with others other then my brother so I was pretty much alone right away.
But yes it wasn’t very long before my coworkers and acquaintances stopped asking about me. And yes it feels wrong sometimes. I don’t really blame them. I mean the reality is that it’s really our world that changed and I know that before I lost my spouse I never would have truly understood the pain that one feels with this kind of loss.
There’s something about losing the person that we always turned to in a time of need, the one who always comforted us and cared so much about us. The one who always seemed to know how to make things better. I think it takes away some of our strength when we lose our partner because our partner in a big way was our strength.
I guess I’m rambling. All I really wanted to say was that I do understand what your going through and I feel for you.
I wish you peace.
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This is so true, and it’s so hard to cope when your hurting so much but you have lost the strength and love you need. That strength and love that got you through everything no matter what.
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No youre not rambling - youre spot on !! Thry did care about us and they did make us feel better and we could turn to them yeh so hard to lose that x
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@LynT yeah it is sad - not something you think about until you come face to face with it.
I also have no kids or legacy - again something I never gave a second thought to.
Does all seem a little in vain
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Id like to say it makes a big difference having kids but when they grow up they do what they want … they dont really understand what its like to lose person closest to you …It was their dad and i know they loved him dearly but they dont feel the loss as severely … their life hasnt changed that much … they still got their partners and their family, their routune is the same … thats how i feel anyway x
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No, no one experiences the loss like the partner thats left behind - it’s a devastation on a whole other level.
Everyone else has their own lives and while they may experience the grief, it’s not the same in any shape or form.
They move on, we’re left in this permanent state of purgatory
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I know … that’s so true. We get what i call “distractions” from our grief but then that feeling of loss comes back again …its just crap really … i hate the instability of it … losing the one permanent person who was always there come rain or shine …
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I chose not to have kids and have never regretted that decision…until he died…now there is a part of me that reflects on that decision because there is now no DNA of me living on this earth when I go, it’s one of a million thoughts that occur when you lose a partner. This is what a lot of people who haven’t lost a partner don’t see. We lose so much more than just the person
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So true…I don’t know if I could ever get “attached” in the same way to anyone again knowing on the basis of what I know now, which also adds to the devastation of living a ‘normal’ life again with someone else. We really are stuck in no man’s land so to speak. I have also become a bit selfish in an effort to protect myself, why I have no idea, I just cannot connect the same with anyone or anything now and I am hoping that will change. I miss someone knowing me inside and out, good, bad and the ugly. I feel a stranger to myself and the world. It’s all very bizarre
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Yeh we do. You’re right. Its not just the person its everything that goes with it !! Their advice , their support, a hug , a smile . But as someone said day at a time and best not to look too far ahead as its too overwhelming and yeh you do become more selfish. How can you not …youre only looking after you …(and my dog! ) and can you.not connect with people .?.it will come eventually … .x
I was trying to find the words to sum up this whole experience in a nutshell and it’s like the bright light that once was in life has been dimmed and a knowing that the light will always be there but never shine quite as brightly. A bit like if your eyesight and hearing starts fading, there is an essence of me that has faded…
All any of us can do is live in hope that we find some joy, happiness and love on this journey and a million G&T’s lol
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Yep !! We.have to hope to find some happiness dont we ? Its our.only way out of this really …
They would want us to find some happiness you know … thet wouldn’t want us to be.unhappy for rest of our lives xx
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