Four weeks in

It’s just 4 weeks since I lost him. It feels like time is going so fast but so slow at the same time. It’s hard to make sense of that. I’ve had a letter today from the British heart foundation that the donations received following the funeral sent by the funeral director was £1458. He was only 47 we had another 47 years worth of life, love and plans. He was taken so suddenly.
I’m due to go back to work in a week. How do you even do that when your world is in millions of pieces?
I took all his work equipment back this week as he spent many days working from home. He was set up on the dining table at the back of the lounge. Now it’s just an empty space. My sister said to get the chairs back out of the loft and make it back into a dining area. Even that feels wrong as we won’t ever sit round that table together again.
I’m still so lost. I know he would be telling me to get up and out in the fells or the forest and keep on living. I can hear him now. I just can’t face it and feel like I’m letting him down so badly.


Dear @Kellymet

I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear husband at such a young age. It’s heartbreaking.
My partner died unexpectedly aged 59 on 20 January 2023, just over 3 weeks ago now.
It’s so soon after our loved ones deaths. I expect like me you’re still in a state of shock and can’t believe it’s happened.
I can’t even change the sheets on our bed yet or hoover as there are still little bits of black fluff from his socks on the carpet! So I understand about your dining room table.
Just take your time and be gentle with yourself.
If you don’t feel ready to return to work you could ask your GP to sign you off or to recommend you go back gradually on a phased return.
My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
Take great care of yourself.
207 x


@207 i am so sorry you find yourself here too. Sadly the return to work is going to be forced due to finances. Work have been good. They gave me extra compassionate leave and have used the rest of my holidays to make more time. The GP will sign me off but it means there will be no wage coming in to cover the bills. It is a very harsh reality. I’ve hardly been able to leave the house and still expect him to walk through the door. People keep saying going back will do me good but I don’t want it to do me good.
Sending you so much love xx

Hi @207. I’m so sorry for your loss and the trauma you faced. My husband died very suddenly too and I had to drag him onto the floor, do CPR and try to ring an ambulance. It’s horrific isn’t it? I too didn’t change the bed for ages as it still smelled of him and the little bits of black fluff from his black socks gave me a real jolt as I had that too! I hope you have lots of support and help around you. There’s nothing I can say to make you feel better but just know that all of us on here know exactly how you feel and are here for you day and night. Big cuddle to you. Jean xx.

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Like you, my Martin was only 47 as well.

I can totally relate to what you are saying. Our whole future just ripped away, it’s just so cruel and unfair.

I’m further down this awful road; it was 6 months last Saturday. I was off work for 7 weeks ( I work from home) I managed a week back and just couldn’t cope, I took another month of unpaid leave. I returned in November (full time) I just about cope, but I have a lot of days when I just can’t be bothered. Everything seems so pointless without him.

I really loved my job, but not so much anymore.

It’s the sad realisation that I’m here on my own; we didn’t have children.

Reach out anytime.

Sending a hug x❤️