My darling Mark died at 4am, four weeks ago today.
It seems a lifetime ago since I kissed him, hugged him, and held him and told him how much I loved him.
I ache with wanting to touch him, smell him and hear his voice telling me he loves me - I miss him so much.
I feel his presence and know he is with me always but him not being next to me and here is breaking my heart. I am being strong and getting on with things but the pain of realisation is hurting so much.
I love you, my Markie 
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@Markswife. I’m so sorry for the loss of your darling Mark. I lost my Husband 8 weeks ago today and feel exactly the same as you. I keep hoping it’ll get easier but the pain and despair come crashing in at me on a regular basis and it’s unbearable. Have you got good support around you? Xx.
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Sending love to you @Markswife
It is so tough losing the love of your life. I lost my darling husband 8 months ago, which I still find hard to believe.
You will get better days in time I’m sure. It’s very early days for you yet.
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I lost my partner six months ago and still feel the same as i did the day he died. I spend most days in my pjs dont sleep its me and my daughter shes 22 and she worries so much about me. I have people saying you need to get out more ypu need to try and move on i just cant seem to function at all x
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That’s tough @Loopylou0141
I wish there was a magic wand to help you through this. All I can do is send love, which I do. xxx
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@Markswife Im so sorry for your loss. I also lost my darling husband 4 weeks ago. We were married for 20 years and now i live alone. Dont think I was taking it in at first but now reality is hitting hard and I cant stop crying.
I hope you have family and friends to support you.x
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Hi @GillyM
So sorry to hear you have lost your loved one too. I hope you will feel comfortable to express anything you need to in this group as we all understand what each other is going through.
I remember the shock and total disbelief so well. In fact I’m not sure I believe it now, 8 months after losing my beloved husband so suddenly. He was 60, seemingly fit and well, went out to play his weekly football and never came home, having suffered a coronary embolus. A police officer came to tell me.
I find that by keeping busy, which I have no choice other than to do anyway, I get by better but that wasn’t how the early days were. They were just a blur.
Sending you a virtual hug and love. xxx
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Hi @KarenF
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. It must have been such a shock when the police officer came to tell you what had happened. Cant imagine how you must have felt especially with him being young, fit and active.
My husband was diagnosed with Oesophageal cancer in September 2021 and had curative surgery in February 2022. He recovered quickly and even went back to work and the gym. All was well until he started getting confused and mixing his words and we were shocked to be told the cancer had spread to his brain. He had a tumour removed in August and again seemed to improve then in October we were told that his brain had several lesions so palliative care.
He went downhill so quickly and i still cant take it all in. Youre so right that everythings a blur at the moment. Trying to keep myself occupied.
Does it still feel as raw after 8 months? Feel as if I have lost my place in the world as Johns wife and the future scares me.
I think this group will be helpful to vent and share with others going through similar situations.
Sending love and virtual hugs to you too.xxx
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Hi @GillyM
You really went through it with your poor husband didn’t you? I don’t think either sudden or through illness is any easier than the other; maybe different but equally devastating.
I would say less raw after 8 months. That’s not to say I couldn’t cry at any given moment but there are times when I’m busy and life takes over that I am not constantly dwelling on my loss. I am having a life, albeit not the life I want but it is some sort of life.
I think we can only move forwards at a pace to suit ourselves.
For me, the idea of going away is a total horror. I’m coping at home with my daughter living here, who needs me, but just can’t face the idea of being away from our village overnight. Sitting in a strange place for the evening without Richard by my side is too much to contemplate for now.
I hope you will begin to feel the strength to do something for yourself soon. It’s hard working out who we are I think. We thought of ourselves as half of a couple but not as a person in their own right. I suspect a lot of people on here feel that. The sheer nature of a bereavement forum leads it to being those of us who feel we need support who find ourselves here. To me that follows that we deeply loved the person we have lost so the loss is harder than had it been a more superficial relationship.
Richard and I knew we totally loved each other and used to have a pretend argument about which of us had to die first as neither wanted to be here without the other.
Keep coming here whenever you need to express how you are feeling. It does seem to help I find. xxx
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I agree this site is so good for expressing our feelings. I lost my husband Aug 5. 5 mos and a day ago. I wish I could say I have made progress in my grieving journey. But I agonize just as much today as I did on the day he left me. We were married 52 years, together for 57. It was always just the 2 of us. We were so happy. Trying to figure out my way forward seems elusive. I know what he wanted for me—to be happy. I don’t know how to do that without him.
Peace and love to all
Karen
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