fresh grief

my darling husband Bob slipped peacefully into the next life on july 9th. my pain is still raw and although I realise he is now at peace I would give anything to have him back with me. how will I ever carry on?

Sorry I dont know your name but Hetdoll I am Jackie, I am 68, my partner of 20 years ( Richard age 74 ) died suddenly ( heart blockage ) in his armchair just 12 weeks ago, 11th April and i cry and miss him so much each and every day…I wish I could say to you life, things will get better but I only believe in telling the truth…
It is very early days for you and I feel so much your your pain, and the loneliness you are now going through…Oh we all are wanting our loves of our lives back or if not back with us, several are wanting to be with their loved one…
In answe to your question " how will we ever carry on…" well sorry I canrt answer that as I havent got that far myslef, but I also ask myself do I even want to carry on, would my Richard want me to carry on, I know he will still be worrying over me as i have MS and he knows I will be totally lost and struggling wth everything without him…To be honest I am wondering how I have even gotten this far, I was the one left to organise his funeral - cremation, I am now in Dorset, his older sister nieces and nephews are back home in Bedfordshire, I had no help at all from any of them…anyway, I cant dwell on that, I now am looking after ME, I am putting myself as number one…

Jackie…sending a ((( hug ))) sorry it is not a real hug…

Morning, so sorry to hear of your loss, to post on here so very soon is very brave of you. It will be 14 months next Friday since my husband passed away only 38 hours after I received the devastating news of his test results. Thankfully he was unaware.of how poorly he truly was.

You have come to the right place, everyone on here understands completely how you’re feeling, what you are going through. The support from everyone is truly inspirational and genuine. If you want to rant about the injustices you feel, or vent your anger, we are all here to help you through this very tough time. It’s not easy I’d be lying if I said it was.

Please know you are not alone, we’re all travelling this enforced journey, we may be st different stages but the journey is the same. I still have meltdown days, only yesterday I experienced 3 different reminders (not that I need reminding), those 3 innocent events reduced me to tears which carried on well into the evening. A anyone can do is take each day one step at a time. Sometimes it maube each hour one step at a time.

There’s no quick fix, no.time limit on grief, we get through each day as best we can.

Sending hugs and blessings to help you through the tough times ahead and to let you know you are not alone, you are amongst friends who know and feel your pain, we’re all feeling the same pain too.

Blessings
Jen☆

“Across the years I will walk with you – in deep green forests, on shores of sand and when our time on earth is through, in heaven too, you will have my hand!”
~ Robert Sexton

1 Like

thank you all, I wonder if it is so hard because I was his full time carer for the last 5 years of his life and I just don’t know who I am any more?

You are bound to feel lost and unsure who you are, you have no one to care for anymore…You cared for your hubby out of love, this gave you a daily routine now this routine has ended, and rather than being relived you like the rest of us bereaved just want your hubby back, no matter what…we now feel the emptiness and loneliness… Do carry on talking to him…I very much doubt anyone here on this forum will ever stop talking to our beloveds nor ever stop crying…

Jackie…

Hello Hetdoll. So sorry that you’ve had to join us on here but believe me everyone on here understands exactly how you feel.

I cared for my Jane for the last 4 years of here life. She got dementia at a quite young age. It was hard work but I just loved so much I didnt give it a second thought just got on with it. Towards the end she no longer recognised me but I could still look into her eyes and see that somewhere in there was that mischievous funny lady I fell in love with 30 years ago.

No one can suggest a way for any of us to get through this - certainly not me I’m utterly hopeless

Please take care we’re all thinking of you

Nick x

My husband’s passing was unexpected, he’d never suffered a day’s illness in his life, barring colds and flu nor had a day off work. We couldn’t have foreseen that he was terminally ill, he didn’t have symptoms that pointed that way. I struggle most of the time to come to terms with this, yet feel this way was the best way for him, the extent of his newly diagnosed illness wouldn’t have had a different outcome so on reflection, I am glad he went the way he did, not knowing how seriously poorly he truly was. Doesn’t make it any easier for myself and our two children (both adults). March last year we celebrated our golden wedding anniversary, 6 weeks later he passed away, and exactly 2 months to the date of our anniversary I was attending his funeral. His passing, as I posted previously, was 14 months ago next Friday and not a day has passed where I’ve not shed a tear, sometimes they’re like a waterfall. Had two such days, yesterday and an hour ago. It’s the memories that crop up when least expected that trigger these moments.

My mum was my dad’s carer for well over 15 years, he passed away.13 years ago this November, she still talks to him daily, shortly after he passed, she began to feel I herself, her doctor, a really kind and understanding lady,. Told her that for all the years she was caring for my dad, she didn’t have time to be I herself. It crept up on her in the early months after his passing. What I’m trying to say, and probably not successfully, is that you need to take care of yourself, you’ve spent the last 5 years or so being your husband’s full time carer that you’ve probably notched time to feel unwell yourself. Now is the time to look after yourself difficult as this may be whilst you’re coping with your grief, I didn’t have to care for Alan, my husband, apart from the 2 weeks prior to him going into hospital, but because I didn’t take care of myself, primarily because I was existing in a dense fog, my health did suffer, even to this day I am still facing health issues.

Truly hope you will take extra care of yourself, it is so easy to fall into the trap of not wanting to, hope I haven’t waffled too much, tend to do so of late.

Blessings
Jen☆

My Richard passed away just 20 days after my 68th birthday and the place we went to on my birthday was the theatre to go see a one night only performance from Psychic Sally Morgan, and no she never came to me, nor picked up on that Richard only had 20 more days t live…

Bob was 70, he was sure he would die at 68 when his dad died, at least he got two more years! he was so very ill though. he had sepsis a year ago and never really recovered so it wasn’t a surprise to lose him, just a heart wrenching mind destroying shock

Yes whether our loved one passes suddenly or whether it is expected, it still takes us by surprise when that day finally arrives…

Back to top