Anyone else feeling like no one ever asks you how your doing? It’s like they are looking at me and just expecting me to get on with it. I’m heartbroken over here try come bloody asking me. Especially at work. It’s like everyone is avoiding me. I get the don’t know how to react especially with me as this is my 3rd loss in 6 months there’s only so much people can say or do. It’s can’t be hard to just take a minute and ask me. How are you doing are you coping. Its hard enough as it is feeling lonely. But to see how everyone else is just going about their life as nothing has happened and I’m stood there heartbroken. It’s so not fair.
People are only sympathetic for a short while and then life moves on for them, unfortunately life has stood still for us and the loss of our loved ones is in our thoughts all the time. I think the only people that continue to ask are those that have gone through the grieving process too.
I have been guilty of being that person and not asked for a while and then you assume the person is ok months/years later. I actually just said to a friend of mine who lost her parent last year how sorry I was for not reaching out more and checking more. She said not to be silly, you just don’t know until you’re going through it yourself.
You’re not alone here… I hope you know that.
Yeaah I totally understand all that and will be so guilty of it myself too. I just don’t know how to deal with it now it’s happening to me, just like any of this. I don’t know what to do. How do I do it. What should I do. Dealing with loss as a adult is so different to when you deal with a loss from being a younger child. I feel I have to act a certain way. Every move or word I say will impact me more now. Especially at work. I know I’m not alone. My best friend has been through it and is helping best she can. But I still feel like I’m stumbling through and don’t know which advice to follow.
I work in retail and after 3 months off couldn’t bear the thought of going back and people treating me differently. I took the very brave decision to step down and move to a different store and completely new department. I find it easier that not everyone knows my situation and don’t miss the stress of my previous role💙
I’m a open book I’ll tell you anything if you ask, even talking about what’s happened I’ll do into as much detail as I can if people will let me. I can talk about it no problem but I feel like talking about it people in my room are bored of listening to me now they just ignore me. Which is why I think it bugs me more that people dont. I still don’t feel like my manager or deputy manager knows me as a person or even as a practitioner at work and IV been there for 4 years. Maybe I have too high expectations. I can’t talk about it with family or my hubby though. Maybe because they are too close to the situation?
Sounds like a terrible experience, I have only started a new job when my dear granny passed away… and I told everyone why I was off… but no one cared even for a split second… and no ever asked how am I… I am just sat at my desk silently feeling very lonely and isolated, not being my normal chirpy me, totally get how hurtful this feels
Worst type of loneliness. Feeling lonely when you have loads of people around you. When I found out my grandads funeral I was around everyone crying. Not one person noticed. I even looked to one person to try and get them to notice that I needed a hug. It felt like they were purposefully ignoring me. I later told that person I was crying at that time and they was like awwh you should have said. Hmm. Going through loosing someone your lonely in many different ways. Were lonely together though I guess.
I totally get that. I think it’s easier for me because management are supportive. I had a massive wobble a couple of weeks ago and they said if I ever need to get away even for 5 minutes then just do it. I know they are looking after me in a very low key way and I can speak to them anytime if it gets too much💙
That’s great to hear, they are quietly looking after you in their own way X
5 months in and I always answer “up and down” whenever people ask me how I’m doing. Three little words that are easy to say and sum me up. I went back to work (from home) after 3 weeks and I hate every minute of it but it keeps me busy
That’s a good answer to use. I will use that… If they ever ask me .
When people ask you how you are its hard to know —Do they really want to know or do they just expect you to say ok and the truth is too much for them if you say more, I like your reply @Mrs-V of up and down --says it all !
I think you’re right @Trac most of the people that ask don’t actually want the truth it’s just a habit of starting a conversation. Only those close to you probably want the real answer and even then after a while they find it hard.
My mum suffered from depression and multiple health issue over the last few years of her life. She never answered anyone other than I’m doing fine and with a smile. Only her family knew the truth and tbh I think she hid a lot from us too. She always told me people grow tired of people that are sad/depressed and they’ll stop asking you how you are. This made me really sad that so many can be like this. Just asking how someone is and actually listening, can make such a difference in someone’s life. If we all did this the world would be a nicer place.
I don’t think people in general are genuinely thoughtless, I think it’s a case of ‘life goes on’.
Friends and family will start to think out the next wedding, job interview, baby etc and it’s us that are stuck in limbo.
Just after my husband died suddenly 14 months ago, a widow I know told me to say yes to everything. Yes to the cinema, yes to BBQs, yes to everything and I have done just that. Forced myself to. Perhaps people think I’m getting over his death but everything is still such an effort