Hi, 8 weeks ago my Mum, my very best friend, passed away (it still doesn’t seem real).
I’ve pretty much shut myself away but since I have three children and it’s half term I’ve had to start meeting people again. I’ve now met with two very close group of friends but each time I’ve come away unhappy after having to pretend that everything is ok when really my world is crumbling. I understand that people don’t want to upset me but really I want and need to talk about my Mum when she is all I can think of anyway. Do they just think that I’m ok? Their life continues but mine has forever changed. Why can’t people see and acknowledge that?
I get it, I feel the same. I don’t want to see people or talk to people because they just don’t understand. All my friends have their mum. I feel so angry about stuff at the moment too like how can they have their mum and I don’t when my mum was amazing!! I have two young kids too. My mum adored her grandchildren and to know she won’t be part of their lives terrifies me that they might forget but also makes me so sad that she’s not here, I feel like I’m grieving for myself and my boys.
My husband doesn’t get it - he’s never lost anyone close and doesn’t understand how I can’t pick myself up as that’s what mum would have wanted.
Not sure what help this has been in me responding but hopefully it helps to know your feelings are valid and you’re not alone with how you feel x
Im so sorry for your loss - i lost my Mum 16 weeks ago and can totally relate to that feeling of isolation when you feel you’re carrying all this stuff you need to share but then come away still carrying it all. Its so incredibly lonely. Your friends are probably thinking they’re doing you a favour by "distracting " you and “cheering you up” because unless youve experienced a significant loss i dont think you can possibly realise the huge devastation it can cause. They may also just feel they dont know whether they should talk about your Mum or whether it will upset you. You say you had to pretend everything was ok - do you think you’re putting pressure on yourself to put a brave face on when you’re with them? Could you be honest with them next time and say how you’re feeling? It also sounded like your meet ups were in a group? Would it be easier to chat to just one close friend over a coffee? You might also want to explore if there are any bereavement groups in your local area, so you can talk freely to people in similar circumstances. And of course you can always post here, there are so many people that understand
Hi Katie, thank you for replying. I’m so sorry for your loss, I know exactly how you feel. The anger is normal from what I understand; it’s just not fair is it! Absolutely, we are grieving not just for ourselves, but for our children too
I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but just know that you are not alone x
Hi Ally, thank you so much for replying. I am so sorry for your loss x I have been thinking a lot about what you said and I think you are right, my friends have probably been trying not to upset me. Yes, I think meeting in groups is probably not the best scenario either. I have emailed a couple of counselling services but not heard back, I really should follow it up!
Once again, thank you for your kind reply and sending strength to you x
