I find that in the first days and weeks after my partner died, everyone wanted to help or see me and I wasn’t ready at that stage and mostly wanted to be left alone, but almost 7 months down the line, I find that I could do with more friends’ company but they’re all gone, no one is really interested anymore. It’s such a lonely life. I have a teenage son but he’s tucked away in his room or at school/out with friends most of the time. My only company is my dog. Some weeks, I hardly talk to any adults at all outside of the odd work conversation. Such a sad existence.
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Yes same here swamped at the beginning and too much then goes quiet just when you want to.
But no one ever seems to think that they are not only one and loads of others think same.
Trouble is I am useless knowing how I will be and making firm plans often hopeless as I forget with bereavement fog.
People are just so can’t expect them to drop what they are doing. People say will do this and that but it feels such an imposition to me.
Then others came later who were bereaved so I wasn’t flavour of the month and attention was diverted.
Then I was ready to go out felt I had missed some boats.
But I didn’t like being pressured when couldn’t do it. Felt judged for being different.
Totally understand x
I hear you loud and clear…
Some friends have stayed in touch regularly, the one’s that I had no expectations of because they have their own illnesses and/or mental health issues to deal with.
Others, who I considered to be closest to us have just vanished!
Do they think life just goes back to normal? I’d love to tell them that it’ll never be ‘normal’ again… but if they’re not interested now, I’m not wasting my time grieving for lost friendships as well.
I will concentrate on those who have quietly, patiently supported me and held me up…
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Hi Emmana
I was like you at the beginning of my grief journey but then realised I had to make things happen. I am a people person so I chat to everyone and if I gain a friend out of the chat that is great. I have all new friends now since my husband passed as all the old friends just abandoned me. I think a lot of people can’t cope with you going through the grief journey as they don’t know what to say. I found going for coffee I start chatting with people and then sometimes they ask for my phone number and then the friendships begin. Also I joined groups that I was interested in and now ones the people tried to push me into.
Hope this helps.
Take care x
I am a bit like you @lyn2507, you have to do things yourself and not sit back and wait for people to come to you. I have also made new friends since he died. I pick up the phone when I want to speak to people. Where I live everyone chats to strangers about anything. One of my oldest friends (since we were 16) sent me some lovely flowers and phoned me once, that was it. The last time I contacted her she told me all about her latest job, nothing mentioned about Steve at all. Think I’ll forget about that her.
Those friends who rush to our side at the start are fantastic, and I don’t know how I would have got through it without them.
The situation has changed with time, they have got their own lives and problems to cope with, and I am often able to help them in return
They are still friends, but not the same, but still VERY valued and never to be forgotten
What I need now are new friends for my new life, and they won’t knock at my door, I realised I had to get out there, mix with people, and new friends magically appear if we are open and friendly.
We have to have interests to share, and involve meeting people. For me, my dogs, ukulele,flute and singing have taken me into groups of people to meet.
The good news is that I still have the friends I had as well.!
The key to it is getting out there and mix with people, the vast majority of whom would love to be friends with us.
I feel the exact same way. My whole place was crazy right after. But now it’s 5 months in, I don’t know how but I don’t have but two friends. Just the one who kinda avoids the subject of Tom passing. And the other really appreciate her, she lost her husband many years ago and she is there when I am almost at emotional crisis stages.
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A big piece of my life is my dog too. Don’t know what I would do without her. I hope you find someone to hang out with. I met some new people last night who were stocking up a fire and they invited me over. It was relaxing and distracting.
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