This is my first Christmas without Mart. Does anyone else feel lonely but find it hard to reach out and make friends or make arrangements but then not able to meet up due to grief or fear. Any advice would be appreciated.


Hello @Leigh54 , thank you for reaching out. The first Christmas without the one we have lost can be so difficult, and I know a lot of members will understand some of what you’re feeling right now. I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share our Coping with grief at Christmas support page. There may be some ideas in there that could help.

Take good care,

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This is my first Christmas too. Christmas in itself isnt a big deal for me. I worked it for so many years but Martin loved it. And for the last few years we spent it together i our own home and it sucked me in.
Im finding it hard to not just be a cloud of misery though. I can’t believe this is my life now.
I really want folk to enjoy their Christmas. I grudge no one a happy time. Id got quite good at the old acting but the last couple of weeks its become harder and harder to put on that front. And when i do start crying with other people i spend days with it just eating me up. And so I’m knocking back invitations suggesting we rearrange for the new year and retreating more and more. I worry the offers will dry up though.
I plan to spend Christmas alone. Its not for everyone but on the balance its what makes me least anxious. With nothing else to guide me its the best i can do.
I hope you find the right thing for you and
Take care xxx

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Me too @Stillhiswife.
I just didn’t want to feel the added pressure of trying to appear as Mrs. Cheery Chops at Christmas if I’d accepted an invitation to spend it with other folk so, I’m spending it on my own.
The only problem with that is that I can hear people muttering about phoning me on Christmas Day - but I don’t want that either!
If I’m in the middle of having a major sobbing session into my tea towel, I don’t want to have to compose myself so that folk can understand what I’m saying on the phone.
Conversely, if I don’t answer the phone, they’ll be thinking all sorts of dark things.
I would prefer to just treat it as “just another day”.

Time will tell if it was the right thing to do or not.


I can’t say that I’ve made any new friends since my bereavement in March @Leigh54 .
I don’t feel in the right place or have the right frame of mind yet, to make time for more people in my life.

I have a handful of good friends, most of whom are bereaved themselves, so I’m lucky that they can relate to the madness and instability that is currently in my life.

I have to say that if I have said yes to some invitation or other, I do make myself follow through with that and often, though I didn’t want to go on the day, I’m glad I made myself do it, but I’m very selective to whom and to what I say yes to.

I’m getting very good at saying “I’ll see how the spirit moves me on the day”, for lots of things.

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I totally feel the same, my mum passed in 16/11 and I will be spending the day in my own not through choice, no option

Hi @Leigh54

I have the problem of lots of people asking me for coffee and I simply don’t have the time as jobs and my daughter’s needs have to be done. In some ways it can feel an intrusion into the only bit of time for myself I manage to grab.

I do have a very good friend who messages every day and has NEVER let a day go by without doing so.

I wonder whether some online or virtual friends would be a good start. Maybe there could be a group on here who want to become closer to others? At least we know we understand one aspect of each other to begin with.
Is there the potential for starting threads for those who want more contact and like different things? For me for example, others who like craft would be another thing in common.
If people want direct contact as they get to know each other they could exchange phone numbers.

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Thank you - I like the idea of online friends or groups. I too like crafts, reading, gardening etc. If anyone is interested in getting in touch online please private message me Leigh

Hello Leigh ,I am John …I feel exactly the same Christmas without so difficult…be nice to chat if like?..

Hello John - it would be lovely to chat to you. Please send me a private message and we can introduce ourselves Leigh

Hello Leigh
Thank you for getting back to me…would you like my phone number or email :e-mail:?.
Kind regards

Hello Leigh
How do you send a private message?.
Kind regards

Hi John - if you click on your name in the right hand corner there is a private message box - see it that helps. If not try clicking on my name. Leigh

Hello John Email first please - it helps with getting to know each other

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