Frightened and not wanting to be happy

We lost our beloved dog 9 months ago. Perhaps I feel a little fraud here but he was my best friend, my “child” and we had such a relationship he meant more to me than most members of my family.

I have struggled since, my husband has “processed” and although still misses him, remembers him and tries to be happy. But I feel I cling onto missing him, I know nothing will ever bring him back but I want to me sad and to remember him and for nothing to change.

Then a week ago we lost my horse that we had had for 20 years. It was a massive shock, so amongst trying to deal and process this, I have had so many conflicting thoughts and feelings and dont know where to turn.

There are moments were I am grieiving for our dog still, feeling saddened for loosing the horse, but then part of feels now everything is changing and getting further away. And perhaps I don’t want to be sad anymore. Its exhausting being so sad and miserable all the time, and my husband feels when we lost our dog he lost me aswell. I have never been the same since.

But I think of trying to be happy, and finding a purpose in life and trying to be happy and I feel so guilty. I have read page upon page but still can’t work out in my head how I deal with the guilt, and if I just go back to being sad, or if I should try and proactively be happy and “move forward” whilst still remembering.

I can totally understand your heartbreak. The loss of a dog is as bad as losing a person, I found the only difference is that you recover a little more swiftly. I’ve lost 3 dogs before, and my dog now has just turned 14.5 years, so her time is ticking. And your horse lived with you for such a long time.
Don’t allow others to dismiss your grief. Yes, they are animals but they mean so much to us, and they ask for very little in return for their devotion and loyalty. They deserve to be mourned. X

I lost my dog 5 years ago this summer and she was my biggest loss to deal with then. I’ve since lost my partner but at the time I lost her it was devastating. She was by far the biggest loss in my life, she was my best friend and I did struggle to start with but she was 15½ and she had the most amazing life with us and she really was struggling at the end and think she would have been grateful that we loved her enough to release her from her pain. She’ll be happy now as she has her daddy with her.

That’s what I’m thinking. When my dog passes, she will be with her Dad who left us almost 8 weeks ago. She misses him so.

Thankyou all for your messages. I want to remember my dog but perhaps I have had a “wake up call” that in trying to stay sad and remember him, I have now lost my horse, and perhaps didnt make the most of the time inbetween where I had the horse, if that makes sense.

My husband has been amazing and so patient but perhaps I need to remember you don’t know whats round the corner, I think I take it for granted he is here and maybe has made me think there is no guarantee we will grow old together.

Is it ok to try and be happy? Does the guilt ease over time?

1 Like

Your husband sounds like a wonderful man, please make the most of him. Plan days together and try to have fun again. Your dog would have made the most of every day, because that’s what dogs do, live for the moment. You gave him a nice life, and he was ready to go. Be kind to yourself.

1 Like

@Shadowsilk in grief ultimately we have to make a decision to allow things to move forward and be open to opportunities for happiness. If you don’t then you’re resigning yourself to being stuck in gloom and sorrow. You deserve to live a happy life, remembering your memories with love. Going onwards is the only way because sadly we can’t go back. However we can look back and be grateful for all the love. Sending you best wishes xx