Frightened

Exactly,I was just not prepared for it ,yes I knew she was very ill but it hit me for six when I realised she was dying in front of me.Heartbroken man Michael.

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Yes the panic attacks are awful, I dread going out and prefer staying at home. I just feel like doing nothing. The loneliness is dreadful.

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Yes I agree with you all the way,Loneliness is the worst thing now after 32 years together.Not sure how to carry on .Michael x

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I feel exactly the same, I lost my husband Clive
27 weeks ago and everything worries and scares me. I’ve had extra lighting and security installed and carry an attack spray when walking the dog.
There are days when everything overwhelms me so I lose myself in Netflix boxsets. Talking to others who have been bereaved they’ve all had similar feelings and thoughts and have told me to take each hour as it comes and to be kind to myself.

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I am so scared of the future now ,lonely and so unhappy,I go to bed early watch tv ,I find it a safe place ,the grief does overwhelm me most days ,it hurts and is so painful.The price we pay for loving someone so much.This is a very hard life now,being alone is so scary when you are 76 ,much love Michael x

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Morning Michael

I know exactly how you feel. I am 75 and when you have been with somebody for 50+ years it leaves a very big gap in your life. My tears are never ending and the loneliness all consuming. I never saw a soul yesterday and probably won’t today either. I talk to myself and my cat for company. I long for Monday’s when I can go shopping but then when I get to town I rush round because I just want to come back home. As you say it’s safe. All of us on here are on a bad place at the moment and it makes you wonder whether we will ever feel any better. I like to think I might as Peter and I’m sure your Judith would not have wanted this all consuming sorrow to last forever. Try and look forward tomorrow may be a little better. Take care Love Moira

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Thank you Moira,we are about the same age and are suffering in the same way without our partners.Yes and when ever I go out I long to get back ,do not know why the house will be empty and lonely but I have to get back there.This bad place we are in is horrible,how long will it last,I do not know,I am so unhappy and miserable all the time,Peter and Judith are watching over us I hope,but I would rather be with them. Much love Michael x

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I am sure they are both watching over us, we have to hold onto that belief or I think we will go mad. We haven’t got an easy ride ahead of us but we must hope it will all come together in the end when we meet up with our loved ones again. Whenever that is. Take care Michael. Love Moira

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Yes I know Moira but today I am feeling very bad,feeling sick inside again,missing her so much again ,it will not go away and never will ,I hate being without her,I am nothing now,I cannot cope with the thought of her not being here with me through this coming winter and of course Xmas. Michael x

Michael I don’t know what to say to help you. Have you got any family that you can talk to? I have a son and his wife who are here for me although they live about an hours drive away. I am still very broken but talking does help. Perhaps you would consider some counselling. Love Moira.

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I have got family nearby,but they do not visit me ,it was their Mothers house and too painful to visit at the moment so I have to go to them and when I do I cannot wait to get back home again,vicious circle for me.Had some counselling as well ,more this week. Love to you Moira .Michael x

Hi Michael, I felt like that at first, not wanting to leave the house and when I did I was desperate to come home. I started just doing short visits, I used to tell family what time I would leave when I got there and eventually, I am a lot further along than you, I started to feel I had enjoyed it sort of.
I don’t go out much at night and when I do I still find that hard.
I also try not to upset my children as I know they are upset enough and that used to be hard too.
Just keep going, you are expecting too much of yourself too soon. X

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