Same here. They forget, we can’t. Sick of acting “normal,” too. If people only knew what was underneath. Sometimes I share a bit w/ someone, but I don’t want to burden others and I think people can distance themselves from it, if it’s too much.
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It is awful in the waking moments, putting the radio or TV on as soon as you wake up might help, just a background noise, voices, music any sounds will make you feel less alone. I listen to radio 4 or LBC as sometimes music triggers my grief. Also I try not to lie in bed once I am awake as that makes me worse too.
We do have to have time for grieving and should not try and deny ourselves that but if it is constant then distraction can be helpful.
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This describes me, I put radio on as soon as up. I get up as soon as I wake otherwise I lay there thinking of everything.
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It’s also true about music, so much of it is upsetting so I prefer talking on the radio.
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Just reas through these posts and im no better. Still wake up with anxiety and lonely feelings. I am two people, when ibyo out doing voluntary work or spend time with my family, i feel fairly normal and full of joy, but as soon as i spend time in the house on my own i turn into this anxious scared person who doesnt have any confidence on her own. Can anyone else relate to this. Debbie
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Yes @Debbiea
I think we all wear a mask in the outside world.We dont want others to feel were a burden if we release our true feelings.
Your homes your sanctuary and somewhere you can just be real and unburden ourselves.
I believe its perfectly normal in grief to feel this way.
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Just an update. It is now over 40 weeks since my husband died. Much has changed.
I am no longer afraid;
I have adapted to coming home to any empty house;
no longer wake with a jolt,
am gaining back the confidence I once had;
have figured out how to run this life by myself;
no longer get upset in the grocery store when I pass the things he used to love;
have purged most of the house of excess;
had the house exterior painted;
gardens restored;
had a new cooktop, kitchen sink and faucet installed;
transferred all the immovable assets and accounts into my name,
hosted a dinner party for 10;
hosted 3 sets of visitors for weekend stays;
kept the dog alive;
gotten a handle on my anxiety;
am sleeping better and longer.
Still sad, but yes, it gets “better”. Still can’t wrap my head around “forever”, “never”, and “gone” so I live like my husband is away on business and keep my wedding ring on. I am still married and always will be. He was my one and only and I am grateful to have had my husband for as long as I did.
The first 4 months were hell. Then the circumstances got better as I adapted and there was a change at 6 months and now, at nearly 10 months, things are better yet.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but am so honored you spent the rest of yours with me.”
We survive. It just happens.
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