From somebody's everything to everyone's nothong

I was a stay home dad to 2 of my 3 grown sons, the oldest is 30 the youngest is 19. My wife supported us, she was a nurse in a long term care facility since 2005.

Around Thanksgiving, she went to the Dr with stomach issues that turned out to be Stage 4 liver cancer and was gone before Christmas. She was the love of my life. I was her everything.

There was a barrage of charitable and much needed assistance from good people, until the one person who loved me passed, then they were gone, with the exception of a few who began asking me for stuff, trying to reap the rewards as it were. I was concerned and focused about keeping a roof over the heads of my sons and myself.

I collected a small insurance payout, enough to clear our debt and live off for a short time, and that is what I am doing now.

I am currently training to become a nurse aide and have a job at my wife’s former facility. I have to put on a happy face each day and leave my troubles at the door which I am glad to do. I always figured upon getting an emotional support dog. I live in a trailer that has a new lease excluding dogs, so there goes that plan.

I am completely crushed by the fact that the one person who cared if I took another breath is gone and I have only work to look forward to. I am grateful for the life we had together and the fact that I at least have a job in the future but I am also devastated and wish death had done us more than halfway part.

People always assume that is part of some grieving process that is going to end someday but I have accepted everything and just want a life beyond caring for others and paying bills. I have absolutely no friends outside of social media and I’m used to being loved unconditionally instead of not at all. No future for me

Beyond that I just wish I had some form of Hope. I have a lot of skills and abilities and learning my job is a great distraction but really need emotional support and love like any person.

Whatever tomorrows I have have no value except to those who would exploit me, and I wish I could exchange them for a yesterday or two.

Guess that’s all

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Hi @GTOriginal
So sorry for your loss.
We all understand how hard this new lives we have been thrown into is
Some of us like yourself it is only few months and some of us it is longer
My husband passed 8 months ago and it was suddenly and unexpected at 63 no real illness prior.
When someone who is your life dies it takes away part of you too. I am trying to find myself as bring part of a team for over 38 years and nowvon my own is not easy.
No family close by to help and friends not close by they phone but not so often now.
I am trying to make new friends by joining book club and exercise classes and will be volunteering with MacMillan this month
Like you say in your post i dont think it gets easier it just becomes passable.
None of us knows whats ahead we can only takeva day at a time.
Take care
Lynne

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Hiya. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost my gorgeous Alan 7 weeks ago now to a catastrophic cardiac event. No warning. Literally in one moment the love of my life was gone and my whole future was changed. We were planning our wedding the day before. I had to arrange his funeral instead. It was utterly brutal.
Do you know what: I think you are doing amazingly well. Training for a new career isn’t easy in normal circumstances but you are embracing that and I bet your colleagues and definitely your service users would be horrified if they thought you felt you had no future. You absolutely do have a future. It won’t be the same or the one you wanted but it is there. Hope is there even if you can’t see it at the moment. I am now back at work (also in a healthcare environment) and it gives me a routine to follow and my colleagues have been brilliant with me. Just getting through each day is enough for now I think. Please please don’t beat yourself up or expect too much of yourself. One day at a time and celebrate the little victories. There will be a life rather than just an existence but that will come in its own time believe me.

You will always find people on here who really do understand and who will offer support. Even just reading of others experiences is so helpful. Take care today. You are not alone. Much love x

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Thank you. :heavy_check_mark:

Hi
I feel the sane, lost my husband 5 weeks ago, im 42 with a 14 and 19 year old. Im staying strong for them and them alone, everyone keeps telling me im so strong but i dont have a choice.
Im heartbroken on a night when its just me, through the day im strong with a fake smile but dying inside.
I know how you feel, its horrendous, exhausting and so lonely. Xxx

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I have 3 sons, 2 of them live with me. My oldest is 30 and disabled by autism. My youngest is 19. It’s so awful and I hope you can see your way through it. I also hope I can.