Today is Daves funeral exactly 4 weeks from him passing.
This along with that day will be the hardest of my life.
I feel like I need to hold it together, have been told I need to be strong for our son, who has been amazing. I just don’t know if I can. I am still an emotional mess at home so how can that be different while saying goodbye forever?
This is the man who I love beyond words, 18 years together, caring for him for the last 4/5 years.
This hellish nightmare continues x
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 
Remember it’s not goodbye forever , it’s see ya later 
Dear Toni you have done really well through this month, what you have been through is the horrific but you are still trying which means you are stronger than you think. I didn’t think I would be able to get through the funeral without making a mess of it but in the end it was ok , partly because I realised that nothing would ever be worse than the day my love died. I hope you both feel some peace from the funeral today. Wishing you all the strength you will need and sending hugs 
All the best Tom 
Dear Toni, i so hope you have managed to get through the day the best you could.I found my dear wifes funeral one of the hardest days of my life, but i managed to get through it.The worst day of my life very similar to Tom, was the day i lost my dear wife so suddenly and unexpectedly.Over a year on things are still very hard.This site has been a godsend to me as i have very little family, no children only cousins.Our dear loved ones will forever be with us in our hearts and their love for us will never leave us.nothing can remove love even losing our loved ones.Please look after yourself.Take care.
The service was lovely, so many people who loved him.
Our son made a speech and he was so brave. Dave would be incredibly proud of him.
I returned home that night and completely list it outside our house, i cried and screamed. Luckily our neighbours came and took me inside there house. I woke the next morning and felt like I lost him all over again.
I feel like I’m losing my mind and my heart is irreparably broken.
Thankyou. The worst 2 days of my life.
I now feel like I have lost him all over again.
I don’t want to do it any more
So sorry for your loss, it’s good that your neighbours were there for you after the funeral. I was in a state of total numbness at my partner’s funeral, that got me through the day. Nine months after his death I still get overwhelmed and scream. Do you have someone who could stay with you for support for a few days? It might help. Feeling unable to cope is normal in grief, we have all been there. Losing a partner/spouse is one of the hardest losses, your life has been shredded, your heart broken. Gradually you will be able to manage on a day to day basis but the emotional pain will be there for a long time. Keep posting on this site and take care.
Dear Toni I am so sorry your day finished so badly, just reading it brought me to tears. Especially after the beginning of the post was so positive with your son doing so well. I hope you are feeling a little more peaceful. Thinking of you and sending hugs
All the best Tom
Toni, your dear Dave will be so proud of you and your son too, he was really brave making a speech, it must have been so hard for you both.I know my heart will forever be broken losing my dear wife especially the way it happened so suddenly and unexpected.Nearly every day i say to my dear wife “i cant keep doing this day after day”.I have somehow got through these past 17 months but its mainly due to this site and the kind caring understanding people on here.Its so important we talk if we can Toni whether in person face to face, on a phone or on this site.This site really has been a Godsend to me.If there is one think this has taught me is that grief has no direction and timeline, it can hit us anytime anywhere and often feels like a rollercoaster ride, so many twists and turns.quite often i sometimes feel i am having a “bearable “ day then it hits me again.We have to be patient with ourselves too TI know oni, just take things one step at a time, one moment at a time, bit by bit.i know my life and myself have changed forever , part of me went with my wife but we have to carry on our dear loved ones i feel are with us spiritually and always will be.I know what i really want is my wife with me physically but i know it cannot be but her love will forever be in my heart and my love in her heart too.Love is something even death cannot take from us.Look after yourself Toni.
Thankyou so much.
Your message means alot.
I just really hate this new life.
Sending you lots of love
Toni, i do hope you are ok?i so hope things will get better for you.Its a horrible road we find ourselves on.Please look after yourself that is so important.I hate this new life too.Its so hard.Its so cruel and unfair what has happened to us.
Sending you lots of love too
Thankyou x