It was my husband’s funeral yesterday. I barely shed a tear. People will think I’m a monster. But it just felt like I was pretending, and I kept looking out for him, and at the wake, expecting him to appear with drinks.
I do have times where I cry a lot, but mostly I am in absolute disbelief. Its been 40 days. I think he’s still in hospital.
At least I didn’t have a complete psychotic break when I saw the coffin but I was hoping for a feeling of the truth so that I can get out of this bizarre stuck in a nightmare feeling.
I’m looking at the flowers. The coffin spray, and feeling completely flat.
I wish I hadnt had to get up for the cat. I just want to stay in bed and hide.
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I’m so sorry this is utterly awful for you. I’m sure nobody thinks you’re a monster - grief doesn’t have a set of rules. Please don’t beat yourself up about feeling you ‘should’ have cried more. You wouldn’t be on this forum if you didn’t feel broken by your loss. Let yourself grieve however that happens for you - you can’t control it xx
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There are no rules for how each of us reacts to grief. I am sure no one thinks you are a monster. For a time I couldn’t feel that he was truly gone and would be back any minute. Focus on each day at a time and cuddle the cat if it lets you. Xx. Sandra
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I was same ! You will be in shock. Don’t worry the tears will come once you get over the shock of it all xxx
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