Hello Twoflower
I’ve been looking at psychic resources to boost my mood today.
Don’t know if this will help but I’ve been reading Suzanne Giesmann’s book ‘Making The Afterlife Connection’ and she has a very good website. If you scan down the homepage just past ‘what brought you here’ there are some resources including Grief & Loss.
1 Like
Thanks Rjay
That did help. I’ve been reading Life after Life which has changed my perspective on death and what comes afterwards.
I seem to be spending alot of time feeling numb. Which occasionally leads to being emotionally overwhelmed. But I do have periods where I feel somewhat calm and am convinced Paula is with me.
3 Likes
@Twoflower
I’m pleased you found it helpful. The spiritual approach takes some imagination but I find the more I think about it, the more sense it makes.
There’s one other thought process that helped me when I lost my wife. I had this deep feeling that my fate was totally out of my control, I felt victimised almost. Then I spun the situation around by asking myself if I could travel back in time to 49 years ago when I first met my wife, in the full knowledge of what was waiting for me in 2024, would I go out with her and marry her a year later? The answer was an emphatic YES! I would not have wanted to miss those 49 wonderful years, my life would have been infinitely poorer without her.
I also asked myself if I had the choice to go first and leave her grieving for me would I take it? That was an absolute NO, because I would not want her carrying this burden, my job was to take care of her and I’m proud to have done it.
In other words given the choice I would be where I am anyway. I found that argument empowering, and when I’m feeling down I rerun it through my mind.
Look after yourself.
5 Likes
You will never get over the loss Time does not heal Sometimes close friend or family visit daily and talk Loneliness sadly will continue.
5 Likes
Hi @RJay that is such a profound thought! Indeed I would not have wished on my husband one tenth of the pain I’ve been through since he died and my only regret is not having cherished more our 35 years together
4 Likes
Thank you @Anita_66
That train of thought does bring me comfort when despair kicks in. It’s easy to look back with regret, but I try not to. I think when you are in a loving, stable relationship you tend to think, despite ample evidence to the contrary, that it will go on for ever. Or perhaps you just put off thinking the unthinkable.
People often say when they have lost a loved one that “they took part of me with them” and I think there is some truth in that. I’m fairly sure that part of my soul went with my wife but equally I think she left part of her soul with me.
Anyway, my logic has told me that even if I’d had a choice in the matter I would be where I am now and who’s to say that somewhere in the universe I didn’t actually make that choice.
I just need to find a way of making the best of it.
3 Likes
Well said Part of me is with him and part of him remains with me
4 Likes
Yes, for a good number of us those words are true. Hopefully the pain will lessen over time. Lost my partner eight and a half months ago and still trying to navigate this nightmare.
3 Likes
Hello jeremy
Part of my problem is that I’m trying to establish a new identity. During our 48 years of marriage we were a couple, we identified as a couple, as a single identity. Now she’s gone who am I?
I call this problem my Christmas card dilemma. How do I sign cards? If I just put my name people might not realise who it’s from and putting a surname seems rather formal for a greetings card. Last Christmas, feeling I was sharing my wife’s spirit, I signed from us both, as usual. It felt right and didn’t seem to raise any eyebrows!
Shared spirit seems to be the way forward for me. We are soulmates and always will be.
3 Likes
You will be able to change your identity I was brilliantly marriage for 49 years. we were 2 peas in a pod. I use my hubby’s name ie Jeremy. I stopped sending cards its impossible Friends and family accept this You will never get over your loss
3 Likes