The coroner has passed my contact details onto Allan family, I said I would really like to be in touch with them, that was on Friday it seems he was estranged he had two grown up daughters and a son, he told me he was in touch with them but it seems there was no contact it took 6 weeks for the coroner to trace them, I did everything I could to help in the meantime I was the main contact with police and coroner and they contacted me for his house to be emptied which I did, the large things neighbours had it was a very friendly village and everyone loved him, they all gave some money to a charity which I set up a page in his memory, his personal things I bought home in my car. If I hadn’t done this it would all have been put in a skip. I have been described by the coroner to them as ‘female friend’ but we were so much more than that, Allan was 70 and I am 66, we have been very close for 4 years and we’re so happy, It felt like finally here is the person for me, the plan was for him to come and live with me in London, now it is 5 days they have had my contact details, I would so love to continue a relationship with them, but I hear nothing, they are now organising the funeral, I don’t know how long that takes to organise, his body is in Durham and he died in November, they are in Scotland, although I was his closest person at the end of his life I am feeling I may not be told about the funeral, I am happy his family now know, and that of course they will organise funeral, but I’m feeling so shut out, sometimes I think he is not anymore in that body, and I have some personal things around me, I am thankful for that. I was also bringing them home for his family, at least they are safe here I would so welcome them here to have some of his things long story but it’s distressing me to have no contact
I am sorry to hear of your loss. This must be very hard for you waiting to hear about the funeral arrangements.
I would look at this as it has only been 5 days since the family have had your details and that so much is going on that the family have not had time to contact you. Try not to think of it as being shut out. May be the funeral arrangements have not yet been arranged.
Have you thought about contacting the Coroner once again to see when your contact details were sent and if they can re-send them. Did you include an email as well as a phone number?
Don’t give up hope. There is always a simple explanation for these things. I am sure it will sort itself out in the end. Please do not stress as the organisation could be taking much longer to sort out due to all the Covid restrictions that are in place and possibly the paperwork.
Dear Pepsi, thank you so much, it is true that it is only 5 days and a lot for them to process, hopefully they are making arrangements and will contact me then, thank you for putting a better perspective on things, I have tried phoning the coroner but they don’t answer now it’s very much now that it’s up to the family now also I can’t have a copy of the autopsy now as they don’t want it to be ‘public’ I will try coroner again to pass on email that is a good idea thanx so much
Well an update, coroner kindly told me there will be a ‘direct cremation’ organised by a niece, so no service but at least I know where and when(next Wednesday) and I can at least be there outside the crematorium. And I have been able to arrange for flowers and a message. So I will be there on my own it’s sad no service but friends will be thinking of him and prayers at that time. No contact from family but I sent friendly messages leaving the door open for the future that’s all I can do, at least I can be there and it might be better not meeting family at that time which is just for Allan
Thank you for the update.I am delighted to hear there has been some progress since your last post. You have done all you can with the family and I am sure in time they will contact you. Hearts are very heavy at the moment.
The main thing is you are going to be there for Allan and be able to say ‘goodbye’ albeit from a distance. He will not be alone. Will be thinking of you on Wednesday. Continue to reach out and take one day at a time with the family. Everything in time eventually works out. Take care.
Thank you so much Pepsi
Well I was there, I wasn’t allowed near the coffin and the flowers and flag weren’t on it, but I had them delivered the day before so I feel they were with him earlier at least I could be there and stay there in the garden whilst it was happening I was there from 7.30am left London 4.00am, when the van arrived at 9 I had a strange feeling of peace I am happy I was there
It could be that the flag and flowers were in the Crematorium. I am pleased that you were able to be there and you now have peace. Long day for you but with a positive outcome.