Funeral

We had the funeral today for mum’s partner of over 20 years. How am I supposed to feel tonight? I feel frightened. Me and mum are together but I feel lost. Mum looks lost and my heart breaks.

The thing is this, up to this day you’ve been kept busy by arranging the funeral etc. Now that’s over so I guess you’re left feeling empty not knowing what to do next. Honestly, I don’t know what to tell you except I kept on being busy, distraction helps. Maybe take your mum out tomorrow, do something nice. She’s going to need your support. Sending love and hugs to you and your mum. Xx

Thank you Kate. Taking my mum out sounds like a lovely idea - I think I’ll do that x

Hi your mum is maybe still in shock be there for your mum as much as you can and take one day at a time.
Christine x

Hi. I imagine that you and your mum will have been through all the organising of the funeral keeping you and your mum busy for the last few weeks and now that the funeral has passed it is understandable you are both lost. I remember that lost feeling after my sister’s funeral some years ago and my mum’s funeral last year so just wanted to reach out to you. Just take this evening hour by hour xx

Dear Christine and Jaydee

Thank you both. I think you’re right we are still very much in shock. And taking it hour by hour is comforting - when I think about what the future may hold I feel frightened to my core because I just can’t see what that future looks like. Hour by hour is easier to deal with.

Thank you all for taking the time to reach out tonight. I keep expecting him to walk through the door or to ring us. It’s a lonely feeling and it’s so helpful to feel connected with all you lovely caring people x

I’ve woken up today and the weight of this grief is absolutely enormous. I can hardly put one foot in front of the other. I just miss him so so much. My poor mum is crying, I try to comfort her but she doesn’t want me to. I know I should try to take her out but I feel so pulled down I’m finding it so difficult. I feel I am letting her down. I’m sorry everyone.

There is no right or wrong in grief. Take it easy. Let your mum cry, it’s ok. It’s also ok for you to cry. It’s ok to cry together. I remember in the early days after losing my husband, my son came to stay. There were many moments when we just sat in silence, neither one of us speaking but just being there. Sometimes there is no need for words. Words can’t always help. Maybe go for a simple walk later but only if you feel up to it. Sometimes a bit of fresh air can feel liberating, take in great gulps of it and breathe deeply. Grief is overwhelming and leaves you gasping for breath. Don’t try too hard for your mum, just be there. I’m sending you love xx

Thank you so much xxx

I think Kate has it spot on there. Don’t feel you have to do anything just take lots of time to think and feel your grief. I found walking on my own helped me.

Thank you - I agree, Kate’s response and sharing of her experiences is so helpful (thank you again Kate). I am really going to try and go for a walk today. It’s a beautiful day here in South Wales and the sun is shining

Grief is one of the hardest things we have to face I’m just back from the hairdressers and they were talking about Christmas nights out and what they are doing for Christmas and I just broke down when I came home you are not letting her down you are both grieving it’s still very raw for you both
Thinking of you both
Christine x

I’m meeting my youngest daughter and youngest grandchild in a few minutes. We’re going for a walk on the Riverside. Good paths for a pram fortunately.
Tomorrow I’m meeting my son and another grandson to walk round a Reservoir in the beautiful Washburn Valley. It’s good to walk and talk, and these were both walks my wife did many, many times.

Thank you Christine xxx I am dreading Christmas too

That sounds lovely. I hope that one day I too can have the strength to do such lovely things again.

I’ve been thinking of you and your mum Teacups. How was your day yesterday? I hope you both managed it as best you could. I find that sometimes I like to talk about my husband or anything and everything and other times I like to sit in silence. There are times though that the silence is deafening. Do whatever you feel is right for that moment. I’m afraid that life goes on for us but not for our loved ones and it hurts, it hurts like hell. We are alone in our grief, as grief is unique to the individual, but we’re not alone in our grieving as everyone on this forum stand together giving comfort and understanding. Sending love for the weekend. Xx

Kate thank you so much - I feel very blessed that you were thinking of us. Sadly we didn’t manage to venture out yesterday, but it was ok. I am hoping to take my mum to see the sea today as the weather is good here in South Wales. I worry about my mum so much as she is not in good health and she is so very precious to me but I am trying my best for her. I am an only child so it really is just me and her.

I find the evenings easier than the mornings. The evenings feel more calm and there is a sense of acceptance. Though the mornings are worse with the nerves when I open my eyes and the realisation kicks in.

I like the distinction you made between grief and grieving. I feel very fortunate to have found this wonderful community whom I can share my experiences with.

Mark’s ashes arrived with us yesterday. They are currently on a table next to hit favourite spot on the sofa but every now and then I pick them up and hold them tight and just cry. How I wish he was here.

Thank you again kate xxx

We did manage to get out this afternoon but when we arrived at the seaside mum felt too tearful to get out so we had to come home. Xxx

At least you made the effort to go out. Your mum is very fortunate to have such a caring daughter. Xx

Hi Kate sometimes I can talk about James and be ok sometimes I just break down sometimes I like company and sometimes I like to be on my own with my boy’s my emotions are all over the place.
Christine x

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