Today I’ve had my husband Martin’s funeral. It went exactly how he and myself planned it and everybody said how wonderful it all was and how moving. My problem is ‘what now.’ From before he died I knew I had to keep going upto this point but what do I do now. The church is empty, the cremation is done, the wake is over and everyone has left me and gone back to their lives. I’ve got no idea what to do next. I dont mean tomorrow or next week but right now. I’m completely at a loss. Please help me.
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You will just feel completely flat and lost.I can’t give you advice ,but rest and take care of yourself because you will have things to sort out in the coming weeks.It’s very early days for you and I’m not going to lie it won’t be easy.I hope you have family and friends around you.
I’m alone now as everyone has gone back to their own homes. I feel completely lost and alone and it hurts so much.
Im so sorry that you are all alone, do you have any family you can call to come and stay with you. I had my daughter stay the night but then I was glad to have some time on my own so I could cry when I felt the need.
Take baby steps, sort through any paperwork that you need to do and make sure you eat. We are all here for you.
What area do you live in maybe someone on here may live near you xxx
Friends have offered to come and be with me but although that sounds good they can’t be here forever so I’ve got to cope alone at some point. Maybe I should be alone from now and get used to it. The thing I’m finding really hard now is that I can’t look at Martin’s photo without feeling physically sick. I love him so why can’t I look at him. It wasnt his fault he got sick and died. Has anyone else felt like that?
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Kaytoo, I’m 19 weeks into this and I am by no means an expert and I definitely have awful moments daily, but I found having friends/family staying in those first 2 months helped enormously.
They cooked, they hugged, they listened and initially that’s all we need to survive, in my experience.
I then stayed with them a few days at a time and then home again.
There’s a lovely thread on here where we all wrote about wanting to be alone/hating being alone, wanting to be with friends/ hating being with friends! It made me feel ‘normal’ and less confused because others on here were in this too. Sending you hugs.
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Hi Rosie Jack, When people ask me how I am I have two answers and they are either “What sort of stupid question is that?” or if I’m feeling more charitable I say "I really dont know. " How do people think we are? Do they just want us to say we’re fine so they can get on with their day? I’d rather they didnt ask. It might make them feel better but it does nothing to help me. I’m sorry if I sound angry but I am, I’m angry that he left me, I’m angry that I’m alone and I’m angry that people ask such stupid questions that I don’t know how to answer. I’m angry at a lot more besides but trying to stay calm. I just dont understand anything anymore. Nothing makes any sense.
I wish my family were closer , but they are in Liverpool and I am in Devon , my husband suddenly died in April , I didn’t expect to be a widow at 56, I think they all think I am doing ok , as I am back in work , I go out , and I paint on a smile , my mother said to me the other day on the phone “oh I guess I have a cry into my pillow now and again ! “ my reply “every night “! She just went quiet , it’s not what they want to hear , but it’s the truth !
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People dont want to hear the truth. I just say I’m fine as when I have tried to explain how I feel they change the subject or walk away. Unless they have lost a partner they don’t understand.
Look at your local community centre and libraries to see if any women only groups, i joined one and have made new friends they are not all widows. But single through divorce and other circumstances. We are going to the goid food show together and 2 of us are going to Edinburgh christmas markets for 2 nights.