Furious at my partner's family.

1st post. Hello everyone. I’ve been reading this forum for a few weeks now and it has helped me so thank you all. I lost the love of my life 7 weeks ago. I am heartbroken and lost. We had been together just shy of 20 years. I know with grief comes anger but I am furious with his family (nephews and nieces) for not mentioning me at the funeral. I nursed him through prostate cancer for many years when they didn’t even attend one hospital appointment. I don’t expect thanks but the fact that our relationship wasn’t even mentioned at the funeral is eating away at me. It was like I was invisible. We are/where a gay couple, obviously. It’s odd because they never appeared to have a problem with him being gay so I don’t think it’s that. Has anyone else received such shoddy behaviour from your late partner’s family? I’m aghast.

Thank you so much Sheila, thank you so, so much for understanding. I’m so sorry the same thing happened to you. I miss Danny terribly but I won’t let the negativity impinge on my memories. My family and friends were fantastic; very supportive at the funeral. Bless you. xxx

You have lifted me, Sheila. I hope you have a beautiful day. xxx

Dear Noggin,

I wanted to say how sorry I am to read of how you were treated by your Danny’s family. It really is no way to behave towards a long standing partner and I am so glad you can rise above it with the help of your family and friends.

You have lots of friends here. Everyone can empathise with you and is happy to chat, support or advise you.

I have been visiting this forum for nearly a year now and have found it has helped me so much. Just having people day and night to chat to does help. That 3am feeling when you cannot sleep for thinking about your loss is the worst I find.

Keep your head held high. You are the better person who looked after Danny and supported him. Treasure your memories of him and forget those who have behaved so badly. They are not worth your air space.

love
Mel

Thank you so much, Mel. Your words mean the world to me right now. xxx

Dear Noggin.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Danny and of how you were treated at his funeral. I lost by beautiful 24 year old son in an accident 4 months ago so like you I am early on in my grief, but it is very true that the more you love the more you grieve and I know that your Danny and my son Jacob were and are truely loved and no one and nothing can ever take that from you or from me.
Life is hard, I cry for my son everyday, often many times a day, but I allow myself to grieve but my son would not have want to hurt me and I am sure that your Danny will let you have some time to grieve but ultimately he will want you to be happy again.
I like you am finding it very hard to go back to things that I did before I lost my son, I return to work in a week and am dreading it, dreading the looks, the questions and dreading people desperately trying not to mention Jakes name. I know that me life has to change, I am not the same person, I have a whole in my heart now and I cannot go back to who I am, but I will somehow must get through this and make my son proud of me and I know that you will make Danny proud to.
Take care and always be kind to yourself and remember, love never dies.
Janet

Dear Janet,

Thank you so much for your kind words. You’ve got my tears flowing now - which is probably a good thing. I can’t even comprehend what pain you must be going through. Danny had a full and long life. Your Boy was taken way too soon. Please accept my condolences. I’ve always loved the name Jacob. You named him well. Please, please take care of yourself and thanks once again for taking the time to speak to me. You sound like one amazing woman. Much love to you. x

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Dear Noggin.
Thank you for your reply. We wanted to give our children names that were personal to us. Jacob was an amazing young man and myself and his dad will eternally be proud of the person he became. I will always be grateful that he was my son, even with all this pain and suffering, I would not change a moment with him. I am sure you must be grateful for the time you got to spend with Danny. I wish we could of met under different circumstances.
Take care
Janet

Hi Noggin,
I know exactly how you feel. I last my soul mate of 42 years in May last year.
I nursed her through cancer twice, and for a year after an horrific car accident. Her brothers were nowhere to be seen.3 days after she died of an an aneurysm I had a cardiac arrest and was given only a 5% chance of surviving, but survive I did. They didn’t even enquire as to how I was. I was released from hospital the day of her funeral, where they ignored me. They then waded in and took all her money because there was no will and we didn’t go down the route of a civil partnership.
Their behaviour hindered my emotional recovery, of that there is no doubt.
But I found a perfect quote. " There is a time when you have to choose whether to turn the page or close the book "
I have closed the book. They aren’t worth taking up space in my thoughts.
The love we shared was ours and wonderful. So it will be again when we will be reunited.
Stay strong and God bless.

Thank you so much Toby. You have been through an horrendous experience, I’m so, so sorry. I admire your strength for keeping going and I hope you are healing. I just don’t understand how people can be so insensitive. You are absolutely right about closing the book. I won’t be having anything to do with the family in future, though I doubt they’ll be contacting me anyway. Luckily I have my own family who’ve been fantastically supportive. Take care of yourself and much Love to you.