It is a very difficult time when you are quietly gay, and have lost your lifetime lover, friend, confidant, and have now no immediate male friends. This will be my first Christmas ever alone, and already I am dreading a time that should be a celebration. We did everything together, never being alone in all 55 years together, and now I just don’t know what to do, not being able to drive, living with my two small dogs, without which I would have given up long ago.
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I’m really sorry for your loss. It can be very hard coming to terms that you’re now I instead of Us.
You’re not alone, you have people on here going through the same feelings and emotions. This is the place to be able to express yourself
Grief is a personal journey. No right or wrong way to deal with it.
I will say, don’t be hard on yourself. Just take each day as it comes.
Sending hugs
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PercyBella - it is a loss only a widow or widower can understand and every one of us here understands completely. I am so sorry you lost your partner, it is so unfair.
Are you physically unable to drive or just too scatter-brained to handle driving ATM? Scattered brain has kept me close to home. Can you Uber? Taxi? Trains? Busses? Do you have friends who said “If I can do ANYTHING!, just call”? Maybe it is time to call. People want to help. They really do.
Do your grocery stores and pharmacies deliver?
We all have so much adjusting to do. Every molecule of our lives changed. It is surreal. Personally, I am numb. Walking wounded. Robot. Living hour by hour.
Isn’t is a shame to dread our favorite holiday? I vacillate between putting up a tree and joining family and friends for the holidays and staying home with my dog and keeping my head under the blanket. But, the real meaning of Christmas can be celebrated, no matter what. A time of prayer, reflection of self and seeking spiritual guidance.
Much love.
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Thank you for that. I do have my groceries etc all ordered and delivered (on-line Supermarket). I have been unable to drive since 2000 due to DVLA deciding that my sight field was not up to their standards. I regret not challenger that in the courts as I could have done, I don’t see any difference to my sight at all. (Glaucoma) I use taxi’s of late quite frequently, but costs are getting higher as all things are. There is a bus service locally but it takes me now a 20 minute walk to the stop, so taxi’s are the best for me. I carry on with all things we did together, but that one void of my partner not being there after 55 years is difficult, but I have to adapt, try and be positive, but would be nice to have a few more friends. When my partner was alive, that’s all we needed just the two of us and our poodles, but now I am feeling that loneliness, I hope things will improve.
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Percybella, it is a loss like no other. We’ve lost half of ourselves and the whole of our loves. There is nothing and no one that can fill the void.
I don’t know what improvement looks like yet as I am only 5 weeks in and frankly, it is just a chit show ATM. But, I am determined to live my best life for whatever time I have left. It is just a slow start. My goal is to be rip roaring ready by New Years. I shall start 2025 as a new person with a new life.
Much love.
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