Gay Mature Partner

Have lost my partner of 44 years to cancer

Hi Alligan so sorry you find yourself here,we all understand the pain of losing the ones we love,i hope you are ok in yourself and its a good site to ask anything you want to talk about,there are many wise words spoken on here and it is a crutch to lean on ,hope you get some comfort from it,hugs to you x

Hello Alligin, I’m so sorry for your loss. Forty-four years is a long time of togetherness and I understand how devastated you will be feeling right now. You will find friends here. I’ve only been posting for a short time but the advice and kindness received has been beneficial. I was with my husband for 42 years and married for 38. Like others, I hope you get some comfort from joining. Take care, kind regards x

Dear Alligin, my heart goes out to you. I too have lost the man I love. You have come to the right place for love and understanding. I’m sorry that you need to be here or indeed any of us. However, I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone. We all know of the agonising pain of losing our loved ones. It’s a physical pain and it hurts like hell. Speak your mind and say how you’re feeling - i guarantee there will be someone here listening.
Sending love and a hug xx

Hi Robina. Thanks for your message. Bob and I were together 44 years and I miss him so much. We lived a quiet life in the North of Scotland and enjoyed the countryside and hill walking. Now I don’t want to go out and stay in most days Things have changed for young gay couples these days but when we met we had to hide our relationship. George

Hi Kate Thanks for your message Bob and I were together 44 years and I miss him so much. The days are so long on my own. We lived a quiet life in the North of Scotland and enjoyed the outdoors and hillwalking. Now I don’t want to go out and stay in most days. Things are so different for young gay men these days. When we first met we had to hide our relationship. George

Bless you Alligin. What a long time to be together, of course you will be missing him. I
Me and my husband had been married for 25 years, together for 30 years. I miss him like crazy. I know what you mean about wanting to stay in because I didn’t want to leave the house initially; it is where I felt close to my man. However, it’s good to get out to try and clear your head in the fresh air - I find I love to go for a walk, even out in the garden raking leaves - I take my husband with me wherever I go - I carry him around on my shoulder.

I agree it is different for gay men these days and you are probably feeling very alone but people’s opinions have changed also. We are more acceptable so please don’t be afraid to open up.

My lovely nephew is gay and they have recently married. I went to their wedding in France and I can honestly say it was the nicest wedding I have ever attended. I did the reading at the ceremony and there were tears galore. They are a lovely lovely couple.

It sounds like you and your partner had a lovely life together so I shall finish on a positive note, with one of my favourite quotes from Pooh Bear:

‘How lucky am I to have had something this good to lose?’

Sending you a great big hug xx


Hi Alligin,I was the same for many months after i lost my hubby,i like Kate mentions,wanted to stay close to home,all summer i managed to sit out in my backyard,did not really want to venture further,i have a dog and sometimes couldnt even muster up the motivation to walk her,thank goodness shes only little,and my daughter walked her for me,im nearly 10 months in grief now,and i am walking the dog each day,and i find if i havent been out i feel restless like i need to,you will find your way when you are ready to venture out again,im sure that beautiful countryside will beckon to you ,and walking in nature can be a therapy almost in grief,i still feel my hubby is with me wherever i go,as your Bob will be with you.Take care x