General Partner Grief Discussion

Losing a partner
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I did this today as i was so tense and stressed. You know what it was fab ! Xx

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22

I agree, I wonder if we could have a better but shorter time without all the treatment, she was so ill for two years ,so we never got to have anything close to normal life, and then when the treatment came to the end she died. I never got to have a really good cuddle or hug, just to ill and tired, I know she had to try and get treatment, but at such a cost to her life!

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23

As this is a general Partner Grief discussion, has anyone read “It’s Ok to Not be OK” I have just been told about it, got it on my e-reader last night, only did the first 20 pages, but it was an eye opener into understanding my grief, it’s not a solve all but boy does it hit in the right places!

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24

@blighty5531 my husband fought so hard to be here but paid a high price with side effects. In the end it all happened quite quickly and I still hadn’t accepted it would beat him. So sad for all of us in this situation.

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25

This I understand, she fought so hard, even down to the last day, never gave up.

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26

No i haven’t read it … xx

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@Walan are you a man or a woman ? Just wondering cos theres no details on your profile !! Ha ha…

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Thanks @Walan - will give this a go
Seems to have been bad couple of weeks for some reason, so will if this helps :+1:

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29

@Jan17 & @blighty5531
I also struggled with this with the wisdom of hindsight - gift that keeps on giving

I was so obsessed and hell bent on finding a way to save her, I never considered what if I can’t
I wish, now, I’d spent some of that time as more quality time with her, taken her away for a few more weekends, picnic in the park she loved - just let her stop and smell the roses a bit more often, instead of it all being about the cancer and the next treatment we have to try

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30

:slightly_smiling_face: What’s the correct term these days - a non birthing person? - I lose track :slightly_smiling_face:

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31

Ha ha … i was just checking !! Xx that meditation was good btw xx

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32

Helped me today @MemoriesOfUs it really did … only 20 mins long too x

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33

@Jan17 , yes the treatment for cancer is horrendous, my husband was fit and well ,only a slight sore throat before he was diagnosed, after the treatment he had no skin on his neck and his mouth full of ulcers, how he coped with the pain I will never know .obviously if he had won his battle with cancer it would of been worth it . I don’t go for routine checks anymore, I don’t need to know if I have cancer, I would refuse any treatment . It was awful watching my husband go through his , and all I could do was support and love him . Xtake carex

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34

Oh thats truly awful ;( i think a lot of people are giving up on the medical side of things tbh … its not good is it !!! My own mother of 83 wont go to the drs … i dont even think half the time they know what they are bloody doing ! Its in an awful state !!! Too many people to treat and not enough care anymore ! Look after yourself xx

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35

@Deb5 going to give it a go after work

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36

Is the “cure” worse than the disease :disappointed:

My partner handled her chemo quite well - I could see it had done gradual damage to her body after a while - but in terms of reaction and illness, it was far better than I had expected

Except the first session she had after she had recovered from massive op - was so sick, throwing up, fever. Got so scared she wasn’t going to be able to manage it
Turns out she decided the morphine was making her tired and stopped taking it cold turkey after 3 solid months, which coincided with first chemo round

She was a handful :slightly_smiling_face::broken_heart:

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37

They wouldnt give my husband any chemo … said he was too weak and he wouldnt survive it :frowning: but at same time that meant that was it … ;(

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38

:disappointed::disappointed:
I know what you mean
After her last pet scan, 3 weeks before she died, the cancer had spread from her liver to aortic lymph nodes and lungs.

She said to me “well this is it, end of the road” - one of those moments that will haunt you forever

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39

I think that daily too. It wasn’t an option for Mark though he had to try. He would have suffered anything to stay a bit longer with me and the kids.

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40

@Clover4 my partner was the same
She died on Saturday evening and went into end of life on that Thursday
The Monday of that week, she demanded she be taken to hospital for her chemo, even though they’d told her, her blood work precluded any more treatments :disappointed:

She would never have given up, but within the confines of the bi monthly chemo treatments etc, I wish I’d quarantined the cancer from our daily lives and we’d spent more quality time together

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