Getting Good At “Pretending” all is ok !

I get angry when i cry in front of people. The look of shame you get from people around you. I swear to god they are thinking “not this again”.

I just want to say “don’t ask me, don’t talk to me, and then everything in your world be just ok”.

I live on my own now, i only have my memories, i don’t need pity from people who think they know whats best. They don’t, and won’t know until this takes a grip on there souls.

I wish none of my friends and family this pain, but one thing is a guarantee in life, it will happen, and it will be the very same pain for them

God help them.

Im so deeply sorry for you all being here, its tough, but im so glad i found this community xx

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I wish i could say i had the same Steven but unfortunately my family have been very distant. I suffer from agrophobia and panic attacks but still i am left alone. Xxx

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I know, im only 26 days into this horrible journey. But i now just nod at people. That stops them asking, and giving out some comment that i just dont need to hear.

I know people think they mean well, but just a smile stops them all in their tracks!

God bless xx

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I don’t smile at them.

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Hi shellbells
I’ve had that feeling to.
These inconsiderate and unfeeling humans don’t have the first clue what it’s like for us to lose someone like a mum. I lost my mum nearly 8 years ago and it’s a pain like no other. Absolutely nothing prepares you for what is it to come. For a very very long time I used to double in absolute agony I’d sit on a floor trying to cry with way to much whisky in my body. This went on for several weeks. Sometimes it would be all night and the whole day afterwards. I’d try so hard to cry and when I did cry I didn’t want the tears to end. I even used to bang my head against a wall wishing I could die. I’d scream out loud why me. Sometimes in the night I texted my partner begging for her help but to no avail no reply. She’d text me in the morning asking if I’m ok. I texted back saying is there any more stupid questions you want to ask. All I wanted was for her to wrap her arms around me and be there for me. The one person who is supposed to be my soul mate in times of tragedy.
We don’t need humans asking ridiculous questions or saying stupid statements. It doesn’t help one bit. We’ve trashed a point in our life’s where grief has visited us and we have no control over it. It just wants to lltake control of us and torture us. Our life’s have changed us we as a person have changed our life’s will never be the same till we’re ready to deal with it.
I will never be able to accept that my mums left me. Why would I want to accept my mums left me. She’s my mum and she deserves to be remembered in a way I believe that is true and real to me. I honour my mum and make her proud of her son like I was proud of her. She has left me but I know this I will be with her again one day. I live for that day
As for these idiots I removed them out of my life

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Hi love horses
Thank you for your reply.
The only friend I feel I can talk with is someone I work with and I can talk to my dad but I darent tell him how I really felt. It’s hard enough for him losing my mum as it is
I just know I have to deal with it by myself and no amount of counselling will work. I’ve done it on for 8 years now so I’m sure I can do it on my own
Yeah I am angry with my partner but I don’t say anything now it wouldn’t register

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Yes I find this forum a good help when I need it