Getting out of the house for a bit

My brother as asked me to go with him and his partner for a couple hours to the pub.i need to get out as staying in empty house on my own without my wife who died on xmas day2019 is destroying me.i think she would want me to get out and try and not be sad on my own in house.am I doing the right thing

Hi… Are you going to go? You may as well feel bad in the pub as feel bad at home! But chances are you’ll feel better, at least for a short while. I hope you decide to go. Xx

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Yes I am going think.might as be out than in the house feeling sad and lonely .had bad day today

Dear Allsop
I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly 8 months ago - and still cannot believe it. I would say yes go out with your friends - it helps to talk and it wont make it better but it will distract you. Distraction is the only thing that stops me thinking. A tip though about coming home to a silent house - put a talk radio station such as LBC on before you go out. Just the sound of voices helps with the silence. I went back to work after three months and always leave the radio on so I don’t return to a completely silent house. Thinking of you. Take care xx

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You need to go, it will get you out and take your mind off things for a bit. I find once I am there I feel better and am glad I went even if your insides are churning make yourself go :+1:

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Yes just back home .I am glad I went just needed a break not drunk but just enough to give me a bit of relief thanks for your comments. I am 49 so I must continue with life.my wife would not want me to be sat in house feeling sad

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I am so glad you went and it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. You need to socialize and you are right your wife would not be happy to see you cooped up and upset :+1:

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Glad I went.they say dont drink but found it like a break from the heart ache.just needed a break thought I would go mad at I house.i know I will feel sorrow.tomo.just need some smiles in my life

Well done - step at a time. Everything I do I think how proud my husband would be of me - it kind of helps. I write lists and tick things off when I have achieved them. I miss him so much every day - but I cope and the busier I am the better it is for me. Does not work for everyone but we get through this however we can.

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If you want a drink have one! It was in a pub not like you are sinking a bottle of gin in the house every night. I’m not a big drinker but I wish I was so I could numb the pain and loss just a bit. You need a bit respite and if a few hours at the pub helps then that’s good. I have been out a couple of times and usually end up bawling my eyes out but so what it’s a release and that’s what we need :wink:

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Good for you . Life must go on so if you dont try what’s the point in living.i am so sad but my wife would want me to carry on .be brave x x

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She will be looking down on you and saying ‘well done’ :+1:

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Going to bed and maybe I might just go to sleep and not cry and have some calm

Me too fingers crossed :crossed_fingers: night night

Thanks for advice on coming home to empty house take care x x

Hi l lost my Mum on 27th Dec 2019 and people/family were always telling me to go out even just for a small walk and l know how hard it is just stepping out the front door…but l have done it a few times now and l’m not going to say it’s easier cos it’s not but as long as l have a purpose then getting out is do-able. Things like shopping, meeting up with close friends or even paying a bill - it does feel like there is an elastic band attached to me which could easily pull me back if l let it…sometimes l feel my Mum pushing me out the door and l know she would prefer me to do that then stay inside as l would like. I don’t know if this will help but it does take time and you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, everything is still raw…

I lost my darling husband Christmas Day too and iv only been out with the kids it’s so hard to go out and enjoy anything as I miss him soo much so I get what your saying x

Of course she wouldn’t glad you went out x

Hi julie I have been out on a few nights of a weekend find it gives me reason to carry on as it gives me a break from thinking to much.i find it gives me a purpose in life .I am so to here about you losing your husband on christmas day.if you do get to go out with friends I think you will find it helps

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Hi Julie, your loss is still so raw for you, so may I say don’t be in a hurry to push yourself into a social life until you feel ready as it will bring you no pleasure. Take your time and don’t be afraid to grieve. Speaking for myself I did continue with our interests but could not cope with being in groups of people even people that I knew well. I tried but I ended up in tears and feeling more miserable. I didn’t want to rush out and join groups or push myself I waiting patiently for a life to come to me and slowly it is coming. I can meet people now and socialise. I have kept myself busy though and not shut myself away at home. I enjoy walking and found this helped a great deal when I was having a bad day. With my dogs I would go off into the countryside. It proved to be therapeutic and of course as I walked I would meet up with people and have a chat, this helped me also. Whatever you decide don’t rush.
Good luck to you
Pat xx

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