Hi all.
I think the one question that everyone asks is. When will I be over this?. When it first happened to me I didn’t really have them thoughts, simply because I couldn’t think straight. I was to heartbroken. The world and everything it changed for me the day my boy died. If I’m honest it’s never really returned. It’s almost as if the day you loose someone the earth shifts it’s axis . It’s nearly 8 years for me and it feels like I’m still out of kilter with the world. Yes I can get by, function, do all the things everyone else can do. Have relationships. Go to work. But I’ve come to the realization that you never " get over it “. Everyday something will remind you. Something will prompt you to envisage " what would they be doing now”? For us, it’s an eternal question. One that we will be asking until our last day arrives. You find yourself wondering how they would have aged. Who would they be with. What kind of a mum or dad would they have made. When I think about Sam. I think about the best 24 years of my life. He was everything I could of hoped for. For me he was the answer to what life is all about. Your children carry all those aspirations that you pass on. You want them to learn from your mistakes. To have all the things you longed for. Then suddenly they are gone in a fleeting moment and you are left thinking, what the hell am I supposed to do now? Sam was my only child. I still ask those questions. What happened? Why do I feel like this? I think we are closest linked emotionally to our children because we made them. They are the ultimate gift between a man and woman. It’s no wonder the pain is so immense. Just the thought. A human being you created. Someone that your whole life is built around. Someone you would fight a tiger for without question. When all that gets taken from you. Well I don’t need to explain what that feels like on this forum. Everyone has their own interpretation. But it all adds up to the same thing. You don’t get over it! It’s to great a loss, to great a devastation to ever get over.
Learning to live with it is the trick. To hide what’s going on just under the surface. You don’t think you will ever be able to master this technique. But you will, you will be able to do it in spades. Why? Because it comes with the territory.
So if you ever met me you’d never know I’ve lost my only son. But I’m never over it .
Ok thanks for listening
Take care
Jim
Jim10
Thank you for the lovely words and sentiments. I can really relate,to what
Say and I find it comforting. Big hugs.
Hi Jim lovely post.I am a widow of 12 years and March 9th last year we lost our son like you our only child.Your posts have alot of meaning .At the moment I am in so much pain over the loss of our wonderful caring clever son.He went through alot.I hope the time comes when I can live my best life alongside the grief of my lovely 2 men.Hugs to you Jim .I am sure your wonderful boy would be very proud of you xxxx
Thank you Marg1
Thank you so much for posting this. I have very recently lost my 19 year old son to suicide & at the moment I cannot see how I move forward from this. His death was sudden & unexpected so I realise I am probably still in shock & haven’t fully processed it, but reading your post has given me hope that at some point it will be possible to carry on with life and be able to live with grief.
Jane so very very sorry for your loss so tragic and unbelievable for such an awful thing to have happened.Jim10 is really full of wise words I always feel his posts are very supportive and helpful whilst grieving for our boys.Theres no more I can say my love but lots of hugs to you xxxxx
Jim i balled reading your post. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It has been almost 4 years this May. My son was 17. He woulf be 22 this year. Thank you. It is lonely to grieve.
Thanks Jim it’s 16 yrs since l lost my daughter suddenly at 22 and l totally agree with everything you have said xx
Its Paolla. We talked last March. Are you still around? I would like to ask a couple of questions. Thank you Paolla Lalo’s Mom