I went through things early as a way of keeping busy I think. I kept some clothes in the dresser and other things I kept, too. Everyday things I had to get rid of early (coffee mug, toothbrush, etc.). It was too triggering for me. When I dropped off his tools and clothes, I cried. He loved his tools, always making things and talented at it.
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The tools get used when my sonās come over. I have used some of them. If something has to be done then there is always tools to hand.
My son mended a table leg with the tools. Garden tools all get used. I sold his bike and car. They were in the way.
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@steve123 I am 3 months since I lost my husband. I threw away some old work clothes he used when chainsawing outside, that were full of holes and oil stained, that type of thing. But other stuff is still in the house.
There is absolutely no pressure at all to get rid of anything or remove anything until you, and only you, feel the time is right. It is your decision, so donāt stress about it. You will know when the time comes.
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I agree it is so individual i couldnt bare for anyone to help me, only i could decide what stays and goes. Do what feels right for you x
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I am 7 months in and some days I can remove things as the time feels correct tooth brush and many other things remain in our en suite.
If the time and your feeling at the time are correct let them go but in my case it will be very slowly I still miss her dearly every day, I know things will get better they already have.
But loosing 40 years + of been with a person can not and I would not want to over a short period each to there own ways carry on living with some nice thoughts of the past
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Hi,
For myself over 6 months in I have not been able to release much stuff itās like getting shut of them I cannot bear to do it.
Now and again an odd few things when I feel able is the best I can do.
In the end ok know I will have to but for now I am ok as I am which is as good as it gets at the moment still not in a good place possibly never will be.
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I am 14 months into my grief journey and I havenāt been able to start sorting through his things, I know I have to but as of yet I just havenāt felt able, people have offered to help because I think they think I should have done it by now but I just canāt bear the thought of anybody tounching his stuff, plus u have to make the decisions on what to do with what, I have thought about doing it many times but when I come to do it I just canāt!
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It took me a few years to even get to the point I was ready to go through everything of my dad moms and nans I found it hard upsetting and overwhelming itās even worse without no one there to support me as Iām going through it even though Iām nearly done now I still donāt like the task so I decided to do four bin bags at a time ( so covered for the month so do it once and donāt have to touch it again for 4 weeks ) my ptsd and bad nightmares usually gets worse everytime I clear some out so it also helps me to have that break between filling up bags to recover. I talk to them as Iām doing it like sorry I canāt keep this, I also hope they understand Iām sure they do though. I find it also helpful to as Iām clearing things out Iām making the space my own aswell? I found a ton of books and got quite a bit of money back from selling them for 50p to 1 pound each aswell. I know how you feel.
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Yes I felt that pressure aswell of āyou should have done it by nowā āwhy arenāt you over your grief enough yetā you feel like something is wrong with you. Even after 4 years I didnāt feel fully ready and I only started it because of pressure off of others.
The longest journey begins with the first step. Donāt try to tackle a house full of decisions all at once. Decide on 5 things a day. 2 piles/bags/boxes: donate and bin. At the end of the week, toss the bin and drop off the donate to a charity shop.
Spend 5 minutes clearing the junk out of dresser or kitchen drawers. Set a timer.
Live by The Rule of Five and you will accomplish 35 decisions a week, 140+ a month. You will clear out whatever needs to be gone in no time if you do two sets of 5 a day.
Just personal experience. Mountains transform into hills, then flatlands.
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I was thinking of getting rid of my husbandās overcoats then my son started looking for them because he loves dressing up in them.
They still hang up because he likes to imagine wearing them. So I love seeing him looking in the mirror in then.
It reminds me of my husband. So if he enjoys it well good job I didnāt get rid of them.
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Yes. Its important that everyone has a say in what happens.
Kind regards
Sue
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Yes I agree. My mum upset me getting rid of something I wanted of my dads
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My mum wanted to get rid of my dadās clothes straight away and i said i wasnt ready to let them go yet.
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