Tomorrow is dustbin day. My bins were almost empty. Knowing how much stuff I need to get rid of eventually, I decided to make a start. I threw away lots, old shoes, dog-eared books that were not good enough to send to a charity shop, used bubble wrap that he thought might come in useful, but never did. Worst of all were photo albums, all scenic. They were taken when he was married to his first wife (she died before I met him). I also binned their wedding album.
I hope he understands. Even he never looked at those things in the 16 years we were together, so I am certainly never going to. Also, if I don’t do it, it will become somebody else’s job, my son from my first marriage probably. And we all know how much work is needed after a death, without having a load of old tat to go through and make decisions about.
I feel a bit guilty, but it had to be done sooner or later.
Xx
Don’t feel guilty, my husband died a year ago, he was a hoarder so i had over one hundred boxes of books to get rid of and numerous other boxes of cd and dvds . It has helped going through his things, only i can do it though i couldn’t bear anyone else to make those decisions about what stays and goes for me. I have a memory box of little messages he wrote me or concert tickets, that sort of thing and that helped me. Best wishes to you x
Thank you. I am glad I am not the only one. It wasn’t pleasant, though. Xx
Good for you @Willow112 This is what i need to start doing. Its 6 months now since my husband died, and my heart knows hes not comming back. Most of his things are where he left them, and I need to start moving on. Ive binned a few easy bits and pieces but thats all. Maybe I should note which bin is being collected and focus on that for the week. I like your thinking.
I binned his tatty shoes early on.
Swopped new shoes and trousers for stuff I could wear. Got rid of his files he kept of records of volunteering work.
Wore his socks as same size. Wear his trainers as were new. Wish could sell new stuff. I got rid of a very thick overcoat to a charity. Use stuff of his as much as I can. His old clothes use as rags on the car. I guess stuff needs throwing now or something
Everything I got rid of was tat, I will send the decent stuff to a charity shop. He was over a foot taller than me, and my feet are a size 3. The trouble is that the nearest charity shop is one I used to volunteer at and I intend to go back when I feel up to it, but I can’t risk seeing his stuff for sale. I am going to ring and ask if one further away will collect as there will be so much. Also got loads of cds and dvds. We had different tastes in music.
I don’t want to be bothered with eBay and prefer them to go to a good cause.
I got a local charity to collect his clothes and other things it was so much easier I sent 20 black bags of things.
You are doing the right thing, well done.
Willow I saw a thing on Instagram from Age UK (I’m sure it was them) where you donate clothing in a box and they send you a postage label to send it to them. If I see it again I’ll take more note of what it said.
I stuffed some of his clothes and put an old curtain and crown on a king Charles mask scarecrow for the coronation street party and all the kids stood by it to have their photo taken with it.
Just can not bear to bin or. Remove anything at the moment it’s just over a month since I lost her I know I will have to in the end but at the moment it’s too upsetting
A month is really early, you dont have to even think about that at the moment , you will know when the time is right for you just take it a day at a time, it is such an individual process. Take care x
Thanks for the advice I just don’t feel able to do anything like removing her thins she was such a big part of my life
Just do it when its right or not at all, its whatever works for you
Just over 5 months since I lost my soulmate. I’ve finally made a start on the difficult stuff. It felt like the right time. I know she would understand. That didn’t make it any easier though. And the guilt! I contacted the hospice that supported her and us and they took took a massive amount. It helps that her belongings aren’t being wasted, someone will benefit. One room done. The experience isn’t making me rush to attempt another room urgently but I do feel that the first is probably (hopefully) the worst.
It did feel right though and I’ve been surprised that not seeing her “stuff” every day is easier for me than seeing it all the time.
I guess we all know when is the right time for us.
Hang in there people. I can honestly say that at the moment, as I approach six months of an unwanted single life, I can see the possibility of grief not lasting forever.
It is good that your last sentence was positive, 14 months since i lost my husband, and there is light at the end of the tunnel ( for me anyway) i still have moments of disbelief which is overwhelming and then the tears come, but is is much less often. I am enjoying making our home mine and have kept his most favourite possesion, which are a comfort. You are right I think starting is the most difficult part, i wish you well in the future, take care x