Getting through each day alone

Thank you. It will be hard readjusting to having someone back in the house, but at least I won’t end up throwing as much food away as I still seem to be cooking meals for two people! Off to the little choir I joined recently this afternoon in Canterbury and am really looking forward to doing singing again. It will be nice to have my son back home but a lot of people think I’m daft, but what do you do when your child has become so depressed because he made a bad moving decision ending up so very far away from his family? He’s been living in Bournemouth with a friend since December last year and I live in Kent, but the whole thing hasn’t really worked out.

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A good read… The many emotions of GRIEF.:black_heart:

The many emotions of grief…

Are so vast.
So deep.

Sometimes overlapping. Sometimes overwhelming. Sometimes they come on so fast that you can’t even name them.

Sadness. This is a given. Sometimes to the point of despair. Feeling so empty because you would do anything for just another moment with them or the opportunity to say goodbye. Days when the tears keep flowing you don’t think they will ever stop. Sometimes crying so hard you feel like you slightly touch the deep emptiness within.

Jealousy. Seeing people just go on with their mundane lives without a care in the world. And you are….just lost. It would be so nice to just switch places with them. Then there is seeing people with their loved ones. The ones you lost in your life. You ache for them back and want so badly what you can’t have.

Confusion. You can see life happening around you but you just can’t touch it. You forget what you were trying to do. Why you walked into that room. Lack of sleep results in slowed movements about the house. You feel like you are physically here but your mind is so far away. With loss in the forefront of your thoughts everything else is just….irrelevant.

Anger. This emotion swirls around often and usually ends up in a release of hot tears. Because it’s conflicting and confusing. Anger for feeling like they abandoned you. Without a chance to tell them all that you want to. Sometimes you feel angry at God. Why did it have to happen to such a wonderful person? Why did this happen? Angry because these questions go unanswered. Or about some of the unhelpful advice we get from well meaning people.

Guilt. This is a strong emotion in grief. Guilt for trying to heal and move forward but also feeling like you are leaving them behind. Guilt for the things left unsaid or how you would want to change those last moments. Guilt for being so sad or cancelling plans when people expect you to be better by now.

Loneliness. Wanting to be alone because you can’t possibly relate to anyone else right now. Texts go unanswered on your end. Because how do you answer the questions of “how are you doing?”when your whole life feels like it imploded? The only company you want right now is the one person you can’t have. It feels like the whole world is empty without them.

Fear. About losing other people you love. When loss touches you like this you become aware just how fast it can happen. Fear of the silence. Fear about your future looks like without them. Fear of your vast feelings. Fear about leaving your own loved ones behind.

Relief. This emotion usually overlays confusion. Because how on earth can you feel relief? But sometimes it unexpectedly sneaks in. Knowing your loved one no longer is struggling. No longer in pain. Safe in Heaven. Where it is always beautiful.

Hope. That they are waiting for you up there. That one day you will see them again. That these feelings of grief will ease as time goes on and you will be able to smile after a memory instead of breaking down. That you will be proud of yourself for how much you tried and for how far you have come. Hope that you can reach out and ask for help when you need it. Hope that someday when you are stronger you might just be able to help someone else in the midst of their grief.

Author Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
image Source Pinterest

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That is so beautiful and so true.
I’ve just read it with tears streaming down my face.
I will read it often
Thankyou for sharing

Big hugs to you

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Well today iam going to attempt to clean his motorbikes and get them ready for storage before they get any worse. We travelled to germany on them and all over the uk. We spent a whole summer in the garden rebuilding them from frame upwards. They were great days with music on and a camping stove for cups of coffee and bacon butties. How i wish we were back there. Its gonna be hard, but for him i nèed to do it.

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Wishing you all the very best with this hard task. Xx

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Felt so sad. This is all so true.
We are all on such a hard journey.
I am not at all lonely - but feel SO SO ALONE.

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Good luck Dawn.
I know you’ll do it because you’re doing it for him

Thinking of you

It is so sad. Its almost unreal, but not quite.
I know what you mean. Not lonely, I have plenty of friends, but alone. Thats so different, and horrible.

Hugs to you

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Ive had my dad stay with me for 8 weeks, and now my friend has come to stay for a week and although having the company and someone to go outwith is nice its not the same. Getting home was just as bad because hes not there.

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All the messages resound with me. Life seems so surreal. My family are visiting me today. I will be pleased to see them, but my partner will be missing. I am lucky to have family that love me. Hoping we all find peace as time passes.

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Well the bikes got washed but not tl his standard, will have to do them again.
My son cried this week about his dad. He came across a picture from his wedding of his dad a wife looking at each other. That was all it took. They organised the wedding in five weeks so his dad could be there. To look at the pictures it’s hard to see that a few weeks later he wouldn’t be here.
My friend has gone home now but i think i made here see splitting up with somebody is not the same as losing them. Back o my own today, but I’m ok with that as its only my husband i want.
I hope you all have a good day.

Hugs to all xx

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Big hugs xx

You did well by even trying to clean them

Thinking of you.
Take care